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So one day you open up Instagram and start scrolling through your feed.
When all of the sudden you spot a hottie tagged in your friends photo.
You click his profile to see what he's all about and start scrolling through his pics.
All of the sudden you have a brilliant idea.
So you shamelessly DM him to start conversation.
After a few messages he seems interested and asks you to send him a selfie.
You spend 20 minutes trying to find the right backdrop and lighting until you finally start to snap a few selfies.
You sit there disappointed at the results.
And reflect on that one time in college how your photo racked in over 300 likes.
But he follows up with a "still there?" You panic, but realize you have no choice and attempt to take your best photo.
Then you send that shit over as fast as you can.
He says you look cute and asks to take you out on a date to dinner. You accept.
Fast forward to the night of the date. You arrive early because you need to tell the wait staff about your hot date and have them seat you at the best table in the restaurant.
The hostess tells you that the best tables are reserved for the evening, so you bribe her with something special.
Unfortunately this bribe did not work so you try another tactic.
You're ultimately escorted to your table where you leave the hostess with one more suggestion.
As you sit there, you begin to practice your first impression look.
He walks through the door and you immediately lose your composure (way to go).
He walks over, introduces himself with a hug, compliments you on how pretty you look, and you're just like...
The conversation gets off on a rocky start.
You try to fix the situation by changing the subject, but to no avail.
Then the waitress comes over to take your order and is all like "Hi I'm Tiffany, how can I take your order?" but you detect a flirty tone in her voice directed at your man.
And your inner voice speaks to you.
So you politely cut in and shut that shit down.
The waitress walks away intimidated, and your inner voice gives you a silent high five.
So now it's back to just you and your date.
You strike up conversation.
He tells you he's a doctor.
He tells you he's close with his family.
And he tells you he loves dogs.
Then you tell him how you're successful, educated, smart, funny, family-oriented, independent, and 100% totally not insane.
He says how you're just his type, so you fantasize about the day he puts a ring on it.
When all of the sudden Tiffany comes back with your food and interrupts.
And starts flirting with your man again.
But you notice how he politely thwarts her advances which fills you with vengeful joy.
And you just wanna jump up on the table and scream:
Your date gives you a wink and suggests you head back to his apartment, so you quickly devour your food.
And you pettily tell the entire restaurant you're leaving to go hookup with this hottie.
You walk, nay, strut toward the exit.
And give Tiffany one last look that says:
Fast forward to his apartment where he tries to make a move. At first you act innocent.
But then you start making out like...
And you ask the age old romantic question:
He goes to pull it out. Luckily you've been practicing your surprised face.
But in actuality this is your reaction.
So what do you do?
...
Like a boss.
Satisfied with yourself you sit back and await to be serviced back, but he says something like "Oh, sorry. I don't do that."
But that he's "great with his hands."
And then has the balls to ask if he can see you again, but you're just like...
Boy bye.
In your Uber ride home you reflect on all the bad hookups and failed dates over the last few months.
But soon realize that you have nothing to apologize for, because...
And these boys don't know your worth.
So keep your head up girl, and smize on.
Fierce & Love. XOXO, TyTy.
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