If your kids are anything like mine, they are addicted to electronics.
Left to their own devices (pun intended!), they will spend the majority of their day texting friends, playing games, and watching videos. They surface only for the occasional meal break (Can I eat in my room, please?), bathroom break (Honey, please don’t take your computer with you to the bathroom.), and, if I’m lucky, family time.
And then there are the selfies. God, the selfies! A never-ending stream of them. Selfies texted to their friends. Selfies on Snapchat. Selfies in Music.ly. Selfies on Instagram. Picture selfies, video selfies, augmented reality selfies, selfies that make you look like a cat, or a vampire, or a dog, or a superhero. They never stop.
When “selfie” became the Oxford Dictionaries Word of the Year in 2013, some hailed it as a sign of the times, others as a sign of the apocalypse.
Whatever your position, it’s unlikely you welcomed this new tsunami of self-interest as a positive development, especially as it relates to your kids. It is doubtful that this is what Aristotle had in mind when he said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”
Now, lest you think my children are just running amok with no boundaries when it comes to screen time, let me set the record straight. My wife and I set limits (electronics for homework only during the week, two hours per day on the weekends), we audit their usage (phones must be handed over any time we ask, and texts, messages, and other activities get perused), we monitor who they interact with (No, you may not have a public account that is followed by 500 complete strangers), and we talk with them often about the very real dangers of being online and how to keep themselves safe. But boundaries get pushed, vigilance wanes, and soon the insidious addiction takes over.
Now don’t get me wrong, I recognize the many benefits this age of technology brings.
Here’s the thing: self-interest is healthy, if channeled properly. Kids love to learn about themselves, their bodies, their minds, and how the two work together - and that curiosity should be celebrated and encouraged. Childhood is a period of discovery, never more revealing or rewarding than when that discovery is aimed inward. As children unlock the mysteries of their bodies and minds, they begin to understand who they are, what they are capable of, and how to effect changes in themselves. From that knowledge comes power and confidence; self-esteem and self-advocacy; and ultimately, happiness. Far from the narcissistic self-interest exemplified by the selfie generation, this kind of genuine self-learning is exactly what we want to encourage in our children to promote more rewarding, healthier lives.
Our children’s online addiction has many ill effects, among the worst being that it often places their happiness and self-esteem in the hands of others, rather than their own.
This is a dangerous path to tread. Childhood is when young people should learn that true happiness comes from within; that we alone control our emotions and our actions; that others’ behavior only affects us if we let it. Nursing our online addiction all too often teaches us the opposite of these lessons.
Technology and the media can often magnify the insignificant and dismiss topics that are truly important. The way we look takes precedence over how we act online. The number of likes garnered by a post provides more validation than the genuine human interactions we have each day. The approval of complete strangers takes precedence over that of our family and friends.
The Dalai Lama has said that modern education, with its focus on material goals and a disregard for inner values, is incomplete.
There is a need to know about the workings of our minds and emotions. I would add to that a need to know about the workings of our bodies–all together, what I call Self-Literacy. In the Dalai Lama’s and my opinion, “If we start today and make an effort to educate those who are young in inner values, they will see a different, peaceful, more compassionate world in the future.”
I would guess most kids today have a better understanding of how their cell phones work than how their bodies work. The good news is, we can capitalize on the selfie generation’s self-obsession by teaching children meaningful and valuable lessons about themselves.
Anatomy, psychology, and physiology may seem like daunting topics to teach your children, but done right, the journey is fun and engaging for kids, and a bonding activity for the whole family. In doing so, we will all be better off and our children better prepared for life.
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