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13 Things You Won't Find In Your Christmas Stocking

Chances are that you won’t get everything you want this Christmas. Sorry about that. However, Three have some great deals, so you can treat yourself to something you really want this Christmas.

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1. Superhuman recovery powers.

NBC / Via acidcow.com

Forget Wolverine; how nice would it be if you could just wake up and be all like, “*ding* I’m now totally fine and fresh and about to go to the gym”? So nice.

2. A note from HR entitling you to some more holiday days.

Martijn van Exel (CC BY-SA http://2.0) / Via Flickr: rhodes

Which is a shame because you really need them – that television isn't going to watch itself.

4. A big, delicious cake.

Ranjan Gupta (CC BY http://2.0) / Via Flickr: 93911854@N02

Let’s be serious for a moment. Can you imagine how great it’d be to wake up to a huge cake in an oversized novelty sock?

5. Your misspent youth.

Ginny (CC BY-SA http://2.0) / Via Flickr: ginnerobot

Sure, some would call playing Metal Gear Solid all day, every day a decent use of your time, but perhaps you could’ve learned a language or something instead. Probably would’ve taught you some more easily applicable real-life skills.

7. The sheer joy of being a kid.

Gfpeck (CC BY-ND http://2.0) / Via Flickr: wespeck

Unless you can somehow stuff the notion of "wonderment at literally everything" and "endless energy" in there. In which case, fair play to you, sir.

8. The ability, on demand, to be precisely the right amount of ill to get out of awkward social engagements.

Getty Images/iStockphoto KatarzynaBialasiewicz / Via thinkstockphotos.co.uk

"I'd love to come to meet your parents, but I've got one of those seven-hour fevers that are going around..." (No need for the rubbish scarf, though.)

11. The ability to have Christmas whenever we want.

Randy Robertson (CC BY http://2.0) / Via Flickr: randysonofrobert

We'd get no work done, and society would eventually crumble, but at least it'd still be cosy and festive.

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