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Buckle up for another one of Gab's Extended Metaphors™! All scientific information is accurate because I took ROCKS last semester! "Everything blows up in your face..." - Alanis Morissette

What Type Of Volcano Are You Based On Your Emotions?

On any given day, how many feelings do you have? Quantify them, please.

What type of feelings are they?

How do you express your emotions?

How do you let the people around you know you're about to blow?

When was the last time you truly exploded?

Describe your tears for me.

What does the aftermath of this ordeal tend to look like?

Where would you most like to have an emotional breakdown?

Congratulations! If you're reading this, it means you're cone shaped and most likely located on an ocean-continent convergent boundary! But subduction zones probably mean nothing to you! Either way, you're prone to explosive eruptions, resulting in andesitic magma (viscous, with a high silica content), pyroclastic flow (bits of rock and ash blown into the air) and lahars (or mudflows)! You're v comparable to Mt. St. Helens, Mr. Rainier, and Mt. Etna. Which means you're not alone, since 80% of the world is just like you. Maybe next time you explode, try to be less destructive, or at least a little less deadly.

Composite Volcano (or Stratovolcano)!

Whoa, baby. Calm down there. It's not the end of the world. When you blow up, you seek to achieve a Broadway-level spectacle. You're a supervolcano, one of the rarest types of volcanoes in the world. For your purposes, this means that you're a gargantuan caldera, sitting atop an underground magma chamber that is fed by a hot spot. This hot spot remains stationary as a continental plate moves over it. Basically, the movement of the North American plate over an underground hotspot created Yellowstone Park. (Yeah, it's a supervolcano. Right at home.) Your magma is rhyolitic (the thickest and highest in silica content, and therefore the most explosive) and its explosion lends itself to literally probably the end of the world.

Supervolcano!

Ayy, my man! Aloha nui loa, brother. You are a truly beautiful structure of nature. You're the biggest and the broadest of all volcanoes, created by an underwater hotspot or subduction zone. You don't explode, but instead are effusive, meaning that your magma seeps through fissures in the earth's crust. Your magma is black and basaltic, the best and least destructive of all. I'm talking fast-moving, but not fast enough that you can't outrun it. Like even if someone runs a twelve-minute mile, they still wouldn't die. You join the ranks of Hawaii, Iceland, and the Galapagos. Good going.

Shield Volcano!

Hey little buddy. You're a small fry, popping up when it's convenient for you, and disappearing when you're disconnected from a heat source. You're made entirely from tephra, and are among the likes of Sunset Crater in Arizona and Paricutin in Mexico. Here's a fun story about the latter: some farmer dude was planting his field when he felt a tremor beneath his feet. Turns out a volcano was erupting right behind him! Whoa! Watch out, man!

Cinder Cone!

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What Type Of Volcano Are You Based On Your Emotions?

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