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Which Jake Are You?

There's a pretty girl in one of your classes. You decide you want to flirt with her. What do you do next?

You visit a local psychic because you believe in ghosts and stuff. The psychic has you look into a glass orb, and you see 20 years into the future. What do you see?

You just returned from your business travels in East Asia, and you're desperately hungry. What do you decide to eat?

Your secretary opens the penthouse office door. A young man walks in with a clip-on tie and proceeds to offer his perspective on how your business can be managed more effectively. How do you respond?

After a killer day on the stock market, you wish to relax on the Roche Bobois sofa and watch television. What do you pick to watch?

Which iconic embodiment of man do you most closely identify with?

You walk around the room and notice many plebs, but also some people you like. Who do you surround yourself with?

You are a young Jake, ruthlessly climbing his way up the corporate ladder. Before you end your interview with the big man, he asks you to "describe yourself in 3 words." What do you answer?

You can't decide if your favorite movie is The Notebook or Silver Linings Playbook because both characterize what a true love should be. Congratulations! You embody Jake's gilded melty center in his otherwise stone cold shell of a heart. You are kind, caring, and like to make other people happy. You have also been rumored to chat with Connie (the dog stylist) on your way to pick up your feisty and adorable terrier Pelé, whom you take great care of and exemplify your loving, protective side.

Sensitive Jake

Well well well... you are what happens when Jake has been single for too long. You talk too loud in spaces that don't require a heightened volume. You do not shy away from verbally recognizing a nice booty and force your friends to let them stalk their hot friend's Instagrams. You often think it'd be better to be a dick than a swallower. Please get laid.

Douchetastic Jake

#gains #nochexzone #powermovesonly #nomercyjustmurcielagos #wherethepoultryat #sunsoutgunsout #salmonconnoisseur #shakesforthecakes #curlsforthegirls #notoriousbigballs #themostcomprehensiveworkoutplaylist #brainsandgains #gainzagain

#ModelLifestyle Jake

You are a ruthless but successful DM slider, sliding into hearts faster than that time you were playing slip n' slide during hot Atlanta summers. It's not uncommon for people to think you spend more time on your hair than you actually do (#effortless). If you're in a pinch and want a style upgrade, J. Crew probably has what you're looking for. You are generally more put together than the rest of the room, yet still insist that pocket square is essential. You likely own a collection of fine Italian suits with ties (and tie bars) to complement the crisp haircut. Although you like to find yourself in trouble, you are always able to charm your way out of a serious offense.

Suave Jake

Oh boy you are in trouble...You are frequently spotted in common areas kickboxing inanimate objects that vaguely represent those who doubt you and your drunken fighting abilities. Despite your aggressive tendencies, you are aggravated by bigotry and have been known to go on pro-choice rants because that random asshole at the party has to be educated by a half-tipsy half-asian. Also willing to "throw down" at any time, but also will say nice things to his friends and later deny it because it shrouds his precious masculinity. Chances are, you know every lyric to every Drake song, even if it is verbalized in a manner that is incomprehensible. Your loving friends who wish to see you attempt to filter your behavior offer you water to dilute the sake in your system, but you profusely deny because you #ain'tnobitch. You are rarer than a snow leopard in Siberia at parties but goes all out when you arrive.

Drunk Jake

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Which Jake Are You?

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