You Mad Bruh?: The Many Life Lessons Of Resentment

I hope that in some way this will help someone in need. Peace and Light!

You Mad Bruh?: The Many Life Lessons of Resentment

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I was sitting with myself recently and I received a message from someone I had not spoken to in years and immediately said they were seeking advice. Experience has taught me to tread lightly with advice, meaning not to speak with bias but from the Spirit. I equipped my heart and mind to listen. After the conversation I prayed for the person and it led me to meditation on one of their questions: "How do I deal with this resentment?". I am unsure if they knew the weight of the question but time and texting did not give me the time to answer fully. This piece is dedicated to them and the many people who may be struggling with dealing with resentment.

If you have been alive for more than five minutes I am sure you have experienced some sort of displeasure, be it big or small, so we can all speak candidly in this space. Often times resentment can blossom from relationships, not just romantic and intimate interaction but simply human to human relation. How we deal with discourse along life's journey is often what defines us as a person. Even when we do not want to admit how much our reactions define us, they do. Some people are aggressive, some passive, some problem solvers and then some people avoid confrontation at all cost! In all efforts to be concise I want to share five points on dealing with resentment and I hope that they are helpful.

1. Why am I mad?

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Processing your emotions is a learned skill that has to be practiced over and over. Sadly many of us are not afforded the opportunity to feel our emotions, let alone process them, until we are adults and dealing with heavy issues. Taking time to think about what you think (that sounds funny to me lol) is so important because it allows you to react more effectively instead of going off of undeveloped emotions. Taking time to yourself in the form of meditation or quiet time is a healthy habit. (You are your greatest investment.) When you are not seeing eye to eye with someone, taking time to fully develop your thoughts can absolutely help avoid anger.

2. Am I being selfish or self-imposing?

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Recently I was told, "your happiness does not look like anyone else's" and that changed my perspective on disagreements. In many ways in the past I was being selfish and wanting my way to be the solution to problems, which led to more disagreement. Every decision that someone makes that may hurt us is not made to hurt us on purpose. If we can understand that then we are already on the path to understanding. We are all growing and evolving at different speeds, rates and velocities. It is unwise to think that along the way that the decisions we make will only effect one person (self). Through grace and understanding, we can all co-exist without being self-imposing.

3. What would make me happy? Can this person offer me what I am asking for?

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When wanting to avoid resentment we have to be honest wit ourselves about expectations. We could have a solution mapped out in our minds but is the person even equipped to give us what we need to feel happy? This is the toughest part because if they are not equipped we feel abandoned, misunderstood, played even. We have to sit in that moment of realization that this person is only a human and not a superhero.

4. Longterm resentment leads to grudges!

Avoiding our emotions and not hashing them out effectively can lead to grudges and drawn out conflict. I never fully understood grudges until I was an adult and then I began to see them all around me. I could see the hurt and disgust in people's eyes towards others and even times against me. Grudges are a poison that I seen break up all kinds of relationships: oldest of friends, marriages, and families in general. Say what you have to say and allow healing to happen. The alternative is dangerous.

5. Forgiveness and Acceptance.

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This is my favorite part! Forgiveness has always been taught to me as something that is necessary, even when the other person is not sorry. Forgiveness sets you free and allows peace to come into your heart. In my personal life I have always made forgiveness a priority because I do not make it my business to hold on hurt, pain or misunderstanding. It is hard to forgive, it is a selfless and selfish act all wrapped in one. Along with forgiveness, acceptance is a crucial part to healing. We must learn to accept things when they happen and people when they change. If peace is your goal, you will have an intimate relationship with forgiveness and acceptance. Try forgivenss once and I promise it gets easier the next time and the time after that.

I hope that in some way this has provoked thought about conflicts and misunderstandings that may exist in your life. I can only speak from trial and error. Peace and Light Hopefuls!

The Local Hope Dealer