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13 Reasons Why Living In Medieval Times Was Better Than Modern Times

Once you got past that whole "plague" thing, life in the middle ages was pretty darn sweet. Adventure back to an epic age hidden from the history books. Reign, premiering Thursday, October 10th, only on The CW.

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1. You could settle every argument by jousting.

Via youtube.com

Landlord says you're late on rent? Joust 'em for it. Roommate forgot to take out the trash? Joust 'em for it. Everyone saying your obsession with jousting to solve all your problems is getting out of hand? Joust 'em for it.

2. Animals could be put on trial for any wrongdoings.

In the case of House Cat Vs. Your Sweet New Ikea Sofa, we find the defendant, Fluffy McWhiskerpaws, guilty by Animal Court of Law. We sentence him to five thousand kissy-wisses. Dismissed.
Chambers Book of Days / Via theoddmentemporium.tumblr.com

In the case of House Cat Vs. Your Sweet New Ikea Sofa, we find the defendant, Fluffy McWhiskerpaws, guilty by Animal Court of Law. We sentence him to five thousand kissy-wisses. Dismissed.

3. Immaculately painted portraits > Facebook selfies.

commons.wikimedia.org / Via imgdaddy.com

Every. Single. Time.

That said, even medieval portraiture wasn't wholly exempt from duckface.

4. No silverware? No problem.

The middle ages made it socially acceptable to eat everything with your bare hands like a big fat slob. Bonus: you didn't have to wash any dishes when you were done! Take that, Adulthood!
Via commons.wikimedia.org

The middle ages made it socially acceptable to eat everything with your bare hands like a big fat slob. Bonus: you didn't have to wash any dishes when you were done! Take that, Adulthood!

5. Beer was flowing like water. Literally.

Mostly because the drinking water was so unsanitary that the boiled -- thus germ-free -- beer was a much safer alternative. Oh, the sacrifice!
Via commons.wikimedia.org

Mostly because the drinking water was so unsanitary that the boiled -- thus germ-free -- beer was a much safer alternative. Oh, the sacrifice!

6. Words were just cooler back then.

Goblet, flagon, tankard > tall, grande, venti. Deal with it.
Via commons.wikimedia.org

Goblet, flagon, tankard > tall, grande, venti. Deal with it.

7. You could live in castles, cottages, towers, and manors.

Basically, no matter what your living situation was it already beat the hell out of looking for a shoebox studio on Craigslist.
Via commons.wikimedia.org

Basically, no matter what your living situation was it already beat the hell out of looking for a shoebox studio on Craigslist.

8. Medieval fashion was the best fashion.

Via commons.wikimedia.org

And thus, not a pair of skinny pantaloons was seen across the land, and it was good.

9. You could own as many swords as you want and nobody would bat an eyelash.

Via youtube.com

And you could buy them from real-life blacksmiths, not cheesy late-night infomercials.

10. You could get away with bathing once a month and nobody would call you out on it.

Real talk: it's okay to be totally gross when society as a whole is totally gross.
Via commons.wikimedia.org

Real talk: it's okay to be totally gross when society as a whole is totally gross.

11. The live entertainment was second to none.

Via youtube.com

Duels, jesters, bards, archery contests, jousting -- it's like every day was dinner at Medieval Times! Except you probably had a slightly better chance of losing an eye.

12. "Knight" was a completely viable career option.

Be honest: when was the last time someone endorsed you for "Dragon Slaying" or "Saving Maidens" on LinkedIn?
Via commons.wikimedia.org

Be honest: when was the last time someone endorsed you for "Dragon Slaying" or "Saving Maidens" on LinkedIn?

13. And, yes, because there were still cats.

Only they spent substantially less time walking across your keyboard and just as much time strutting over your immaculately-scrawled manuscripts.Some things just don’t change.
Via Twitter: @EmirOFilipovic

Only they spent substantially less time walking across your keyboard and just as much time strutting over your immaculately-scrawled manuscripts.

Some things just don’t change.