10 Tips To Survive "The Blackening": A Guide To Staying Alive In A Horror Movie

Think you know what it takes to survive if a wonderful getaway with your best friends during Juneteenth weekend turned into the site of your own personal horror movie? Probably not. But luckily, we’ve got you covered with this list of do’s & don’ts to help you survive not just any horror movie, but a horror movie as unique as The Blackening.

#1: When group vacationing at a creepy location, find out "who all gone be there?"

A very wise person once asked: “Who all gone be there?” It's a valid question that you really should ask before attending any function, no matter how much you love the people who invited you. Even though The Blackening follows a group of close friends reuniting for a Juneteenth weekend getaway, this is still one of the first questions asked. Finding out who all gone be there ahead of time will help you avoid surprises and not put yourself in a situation to get off'd by a crossbow. Because you never know, that extra person who tags along might just be a masked killer.

#2: Choose an appropriate weapon for survival.

There will come a time when you must accept that you can't outrun this horror movie plot, and instead, you must fight your way out. Prepare yourself accordingly. We recommend going for sharp objects commonly found in the kitchen.

Things that you wouldn't think count as weapons but could potentially be useful include: giant candlesticks, chili powder. (You never know what will come in handy, right?)

#3: Get rid of the hot sauce in your bag.

We know it's a must-have because people cook differently, and you never know when you'll be fighting for your life at the dinner table, but get rid of that travel bottle of hot sauce, because in The Blackening (and all other horror movies), the person deemed to be the Blackest is most likely to die first ... and hot sauce in the bag isn't doing you any favors.

#4: Don't split up.

Horror movie 101: splitting up = ☠️. There is safety in numbers, so you are almost certainly better staying in as big a group as possible. If you absolutely have to break this cardinal rule, break out into smaller groups of at least three, because you never know how many crossbow-wielding killers are out there waiting to catch you alone.

#5: Attack from above.

At some point, you might get the upper hand on the killer trying to exterminate your group chat, and if you do, always take the higher ground. 

(And when you come down, come down with the fury and vengeance of your ancestors who fought long before you.)

#6: If they get caught, leave them.

Look, we all love our friends, but it's crucial that you don't try to be a hero — because let's face it, everyone isn't going to survive. If your BFF gets dragged into the basement, I'm sorry, but it's a wrap for her. A whole burrito. LEAVE HER AND RUN!

#7: When someone tells you to run, RUN!

And on that note, don't be the dummy who misses their opportunity to escape because they can't stop crying over their boyfriend. If he sacrificed himself for you, please honor his life by LEAVING HIM AND RUNNING! 

#8: Turn your weaknesses into strengths.

Things that initially seem like hindrances can surprisingly become helpful when you least expect it. Your friend, who happens to be a nervous projectile puker, can actually serve as a great long-range defense weapon. And remember the candlestick and bottle of chili powder we mentioned in Tip #2? Well, perhaps there's a use for them after all...

#9: Don't go to places you have zero business being in.

As a general rule, there are some places no one who celebrates Juneteenth has any business being. The best way to survive a horror-movie murderer is to simply avoid putting yourself in places where horror-movie murderers frequent, i.e., creepy cabins in the woods, or anywhere where the directions are "keep driving until it feels like you've gone too far."

#10: Never, ever make this major mistake...

And lastly, if you want to save yourself from pain, agony, and eventually a slow, terrible death, remember that this is the most important rule of all: Learn how to play Spades and never, ever, under any circumstances renege. Your life may depend on it...

BONUS: Test your chances for survival by answering the following question in the comments:

Name one Black character who survived a horror movie. Answer correctly...or else.

Still feeling unsure about your chances of survival and prefer a step-by-step guide for what not to do in a horror movie? Then be sure to watch The Blackening, coming to theaters on June 16.

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"A group of Black friends go away for the weekend only to find themselves trapped in a cabin with a killer who has a vendetta. Will their street smarts and knowledge of horror movies help them stay alive? Probably not."

Illustrations by Charlotte Gomez for BuzzFeed.