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The 11 Most Annoying Commuters In 8-Bit

What is it about public transport that makes people lose their mind?

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1. The Train Halter

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His eyes are wide. "There's literally no way of you getting onto this carriage without assuming gaseous form," you say. But you don't *actually* say it, you just kinda give him a look that says "LOL, don't you dare". But, see, the thing is, they think they know better than you – spatially aware commuter – and they dare anyway. They always dare.

2. The Contortionist

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And sometimes, just because you can get on, doesn't necessarily mean you should. These people have waited patiently for this bus and this one bloke manages to "Oops, sorry" and "Oh... Oh, do you mind if..." his way through a forest of tired commuters on his way to the Cool Kid Seat at the back – every single time.

3. The Raver

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You're sitting there, minding your own business, looking out at that stadium in Stratford through a District line window, when you hear it... Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk. The pounding hi-hats from his headphones are tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk loud enough that you can hear every beat. It's incessant. You can't think of anything else apart tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk from this bloke with his wedge haircut tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk and his blaring techno.

4. The Statue

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You spot him, taking up an entire aisle because he can't be bothered to move down. You take a deep breath: "Can you..." but before you can finish your sentence, rage bubbles out of your mouth like lava, "...MOVE DOWN PLEASE?!" You've gone all red, like a really angry strawberry. You don't care. Commuter selfishness is the worst.

5. The Food Connoisseur

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I believe it was an Ancient Greek philosopher who, while standing on a cliff or shouting to Hestia on high, said, "Look, right, we all get proper hungry on the train, but can you not just wait a few stops until you get home to break out your dinner? It smells like a school cafeteria in here."

6. The Litterer

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"Oh, hey," you whisper, leaning towards a woman dropping her drink bottle on the floor. She's ignoring you. "Oh, hey... I didn't realise this was the RUBBISH LINE." She ignores you again, clearing the burger wrappers from her pockets before alighting. Just take your rubbish with you, jeez.

(Of course, you didn't actually say anything out loud. However you did draft a really disparaging tweet, and that's what really counts, right?)

7. The Backpacker

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Hello, and welcome to Commuter Pinball, the only game where careless commuters bump into fellow passengers with their huge bag (SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS IN THAT BAG, BRICKS?) for the chance to win passive-aggressive sighs and occasional glares from their fellow man. Good luck.

No, but really, just put the bag by your feet. Please. Please just do that. Thank you.

8. The VIP

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"Excuse me, may I sit down, please?" He's an old guy with a kind face and a hip replacement and knee joints made out of pressed shortbread crumbs. Everyone's ignoring him. Either they've been unexpectedly struck super catatonic or they've suddenly become extremely interested in the patterns on the floor. What a funny coincidence, eh?

9. The Recliner

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There's nothing wrong with making yourself at home, but do you really tread dog muck onto your own sofas? NO, GUY WITH DOG MUCK ON HIS SHOES. I WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOU DO NOT.

11. The Hypochondriac

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It's OK, you can say it. You're not being insensitive, because we're all thinking it: Why did you wait until we were right in the middle of two stations before pulling the lever?! You realise this only *delays* the treatment of– oh, you're feeling better again? What a miraculous recovery! Please never use this train ever again (or just get off at the next station next time...).

Calm down, it's only a cold.

Which one of these is your most annoying commuter? Tell Transport for London in the comments below.