1. Look, I may not be a rocket scientist, but I know what jeans are supposed to look like. Jeans, I think, should not have knee windows.
2. They DEFINITELY shouldn't have detachable pant legs that turn them into a denim diaper.
3. And, like, I also feel confident that they're not supposed to look like this *before* you go sliding around at a music festival.
4. These are not, in fact, jeans. Jeans shouldn't have flappy-type things on the sides held in by drawstrings.
5. I'm onto you, designers. This looks fashionably and anatomically wrong.
6. I don't care if a butt zipper is convenient for the bathroom or whatever, it should be ILLEGAL.
7. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME BELIEVE I CAN SHOW UP TO WORK LIKE THIS WITH MY THERMOS AND RAINBOW BRITE LUNCHBOX.
8. Designers, I beg you, stop trying to make this happen.
9. IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.
10. You just can't DELETE the part of jeans that are supposed to effectively hide my thunder.
11. You also can't do...whatever is happening here.
12. I'm very sorry, but no matter how hard you try to convince me, I will never believe these are jeans.
13. Inside-out "jeans" will never be allowed in my good Christian suburbs.
14. My poor, put-upon sister asked "What is that?" when she saw these. Why would you want her to go through that, designers? Why?
15. I may never know the answer to that, but what I do know is that THESE ARE DEFINITELY NOT JEANS. They're not. Goodbye.
