1. Look, I may not be a rocket scientist, but I know what jeans are supposed to look like. Jeans, I think, should not have knee windows. Topshop / Via shop.nordstrom.com At $56.98, they're practically a steal! 2. They DEFINITELY shouldn't have detachable pant legs that turn them into a denim diaper. Y Project / Opening Ceremony / Via openingceremony.com They're a reasonable $425. 3. And, like, I also feel confident that they're not supposed to look like this *before* you go sliding around at a music festival. PRPS / Via shop.nordstrom.com These'll also set you back $425. 4. These are not, in fact, jeans. Jeans shouldn't have flappy-type things on the sides held in by drawstrings. MM6 by Maison Martin Margiela / Via lyst.com Either way, they're $276. 5. I'm onto you, designers. This looks fashionably and anatomically wrong. Natasha Zinko / Via shopbop.com They're currently going for $278. 6. I don't care if a butt zipper is convenient for the bathroom or whatever, it should be ILLEGAL. Levi's / Via instagram.com Don't worry, they're only $1,870. 7. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME BELIEVE I CAN SHOW UP TO WORK LIKE THIS WITH MY THERMOS AND RAINBOW BRITE LUNCHBOX. Y Project / Via fwrd.com But they're only $570!!! 8. Designers, I beg you, stop trying to make this happen. Topshop / Via us.topshop.com These are $45. 9. IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. R13 / Via barneys.com These bad boys are $695. 10. You just can't DELETE the part of jeans that are supposed to effectively hide my thunder. Topshop These are no longer on sale, but they surely weren't worth however much they cost. 11. You also can't do...whatever is happening here. R13 / Via shopbop.com These "jeans" cost $795. 12. I'm very sorry, but no matter how hard you try to convince me, I will never believe these are jeans. Stella McCartney / Via neimanmarcus.com These are $344. 13. Inside-out "jeans" will never be allowed in my good Christian suburbs. Ben Tavertini / Via barneys.com They're $975!!! 14. My poor, put-upon sister asked "What is that?" when she saw these. Why would you want her to go through that, designers? Why? Regulation Yohji Yamamoto / Via barneys.com They cost $710. 15. I may never know the answer to that, but what I do know is that THESE ARE DEFINITELY NOT JEANS. They're not. Goodbye. Topshop / Via us.topshop.com They're $100.