I always thought it was normal, hearing every little noise, feeling every little vibration through the floor. I became hyper aware of everything and found myself on edge each time I heard or felt something.
A car just drove by and I stopped typing, just in case it was coming here. I'm not expecting anybody... not in the usual sense anyway but my anxiety is expecting somebody or something all of the time.
When I first heard the term "Anxiety" I dismissed it as a minor thing, so I get a little bit flustered - so what?!
Overtime I learned that Anxiety has an impact on each and every thing I do.
Most people who know me wouldn't realise I'm suffering with Anxiety but that is because it causes me to become super talkative and hyperactive in public, it's the way it's trying to deal with the situation of being in a scary place and being around people. It's exhausting.
It's noises mostly that set off panic attacks for me though. Loud, sudden noises that would make most people jump send me collapsing on the floor. Fireworks. Thunder. A door slamming. Remember remember the 5th of November as the evening you'll find me hiding under my duvet, shaking and crying.
I am home alone at the moment and I can hear the freezer making that funny noise it makes and water dripping in the tanks. Always listening, just in case the sound changes, just in case something goes wrong.
Anxiety has made me frightened of everything, even writing this. What if everybody hates it? What if I get trolled? I hate it. It makes everything so difficult.
Imagine that you've arranged to meet up with a friend you haven't seen for ages, it's been planned for weeks. You've been excited, you can't wait to see them. Then, on the morning you are due to meet, you can't even open your front door and worse, you can't really explain why. You just can't do it. You feel pathetic, a let-down, a failure.
This is what Anxiety does to people, so please don't do what I did and dismiss it as people getting a bit flustered!
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