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So You’re Dating Again — Here’s How To Keep Your Mental Health In Shape

Dating has been brutal the last couple of years. Did video dating make you give up entirely? Maybe now it’s time to get back in the game.

Talkspace Online Therapy
by Talkspace Online Therapy

Brand Publisher

Here's some advice from actual Talkspace therapists about how to navigate that emotional obstacle course.

1. Really know what you're looking for.

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"Is it casual dating or something more serious? Be open and clear. You want to be respectful of others' expectations and your own." 

2. Manage expectations before you go out.

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"If you expect to meet someone every time you go out, you’re probably going to feel disappointed. Shift the focus from dating and hooking up to having fun, meeting new people, and engaging in meaningful experiences. If you end up meeting someone you want to ask out, great. If not, you still had a good time and now have some interesting stories to tell on future dates."

3. Wait to get to know someone IRL.

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"Resist the temptation to get too close by text before meeting IRL or talking in real time. We learn a lot about people by watching how they interact with the world. Give yourself the chance to see how the person treats the barista at the coffee bar. See if they show up on time or keep you waiting. Observe how they handle a server getting their order wrong. This is all vital information about a person’s character and values that helps inform what you expect from them and from the relationship."

4. Set a healthy pace.

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"It’s typical to have an unequal distribution of interest in the beginning, which doesn’t always mean lack of interest. It can just mean that our partners need more time to catch up to our levels of intensity. Immediate enthusiasm and eagerness can translate to impulsivity. Make sure to take the time to look and listen, giving space for the person to reach out, speak out, and initiate moments they feel connected to. And don't forget to keep individual time in your schedule. You need time to ground yourself and miss each other. Finally, get direct feedback! Ask your person how they feel about the pace of the relationship. Often, direct is best." 

5. Do what you enjoy.

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"Be intentional about how you spend your time so that your authentic self can shine through! You will naturally meet people with similar interests and find easy openings for conversations."

6. Monitor your self-disclosure.

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"Sharing all of yourself at once can be overwhelming for your date and leave you feeling vulnerable and overexposed. Then again, not sharing enough limits opportunities to discover and connect. Check in with yourself after time together. Do you feel comfortable with what you shared? Did you feel heard? Did what you shared spark ongoing conversation and sharing from your partner? Do you feel a bit closer? If so, you’re on the right path. If you’ve been dating for several weeks or months, check in. Trust and comfort should grow over time and sharing should increase naturally." 

7. Keep a journal.

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"It helps us understand our feelings and the current situation, allowing for reflection and better decision-making. Combine daily journaling with mindfulness, exercise, or meditation."

8. Learn what your triggers are.

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"Create a list of what words, situations, or places feel triggering for you. You might not be able to avoid them but you can understand your reactions and thoughtfully manage your emotional and behavioral responses better. "

9. Empower yourself to create boundaries.

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"It’s your ultimate power. Knowing yourself starts with knowing what you don’t want at any given time. Being able to say ‘no’ helps avoid resentment, hurt feelings, energy drain, and misaligned expectations. If it’s challenging for you, start by practicing with acquaintances or low-risk situations. Learning to create boundaries is your best personal investment." 

10. Embrace rejection.

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"Keep feelings of rejection separate from your self-worth; you might be feeling down on yourself at this very moment but know that feelings don’t last forever. Separate from what you’re feeling right now. You are a person worthy of love and will find it. Carve out time to be alone and honestly feel your feelings; it’s painful, but processing and integrating our experiences is key for psychological health, growth, and resilience. Be sure to make time for activities you love that make you feel deserving. Prioritize getting enough sleep, drinking water, eating nourishing foods, and moving your body daily. These are all investments in your well-being. And surround yourself with a supportive community of friends and family." 

Contributors: Liz Kelly, LICSW; Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC; Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S; Kate Roseblatt, LMHC, LPC; Dr. Amy Cirbus, LMHC, LPC.

Dating is fun and exciting, but yes, stressful. If you need help, the therapists at Talkspace are there to listen.