1. There's no easy way to say it: You hate babies and babies hate you.
2. But even though you're terrible at hanging out with babies, you're really, really good at hanging out with dogs.
3. In fact, you always manage to befriend a dog wherever you go.
4. But as soon as someone hands you a baby to hold, you instantly panic.
5. You really struggle with the fact that you can't have a conversation with a baby.
6. Whereas you could chat to a dog for hours.
7. The problem with babies is that they contribute nothing to any conversation they're a part of, and yet they're always the centre of attention.
8. Whereas dogs contribute so much and deserve all the attention they get.
9. You would never volunteer to babysit a friend's baby, but you would pay literal money to dogsit a friend's dog.
10. Even though you tell your friends that their babies look cute, you secretly think they all look like shrunken versions of fat, old men.
11. But not only are dogs cute, they can also be beautiful, and elegant, and glamorous.
12. Nothing aggravates you more than a baby in a pub.
13. But nothing delights you as much as a friendly dog in a pub!
14. Whenever you see a dog, you will always stop to introduce yourself and pay its owner a compliment.
15. If you don't already own a dog, you have given a lot of thought to what you would name your future pups.
16. The grossest thing about babies is that they dribble.
17. And it's also gross that they wear nappies that have to be changed regularly.
18. When a baby screams, you get so full of rage you could scream. But when a dog wines, you just give it a lil' tickle and everything's OK again.
19. When parents tell you about their baby's daily routine you die of boredom every time.
20. Whereas you'd always be happy to hear about a dog's day-to-day activities.
21. To conclude: Dogs are fab and babies are drab.
You can't argue with the numbers - dogs are better than babies