10 Signs You Are Consuming Rape Culture

Rape is a four-letter word that we hear all too often. Questions like "Did you drink last night?" or "Are you sure he raped you?" are usually the first things victims hear. Here's what else you can look for:

1. Friendzone

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Whether you are a guy or a girl, you've probably witnessed or experienced what it's like to be in the friend-zone. On TV and in movies, characters in the friend-zone are looked at as being lower or less capable than the more fleshed-out characters. We laugh at their inability to succeed, like Gunther from Friends or Toby from the Office. Other times, we familiarize ourselves with them, like Crazy-Eyes from Orange is the New Black. We've all gone a little crazy over our crush! Nevertheless, being in the friend-zone can be the tipping point. In the media, characters deemed in the friend-zone can become overly obsessive with the object of their desire. We see this in Twilight. Jacob Black pawns for Isabella's attention, only to be criticized for his actions. His 'love' for Bella becomes more and more intensified as the story progresses. Although these are all fiction stories, we have to remember that anyone at anytime could boil over for just being in the friend-zone. If you put someone in the friend zone, you don't owe them anything!

2. Peeping Tom

We've all heard the phrase, "Boys Will Be Boys," but do we really know what that means? From a young age, boys are exposed to events that could very well follow them into adulthood. Whether it be how to change a tire or how to impress a girl, boys 'absorb' all that information, good or bad. In the media, the questionable things that boys do are looked at as adolescent behavior. It doesn't come as a surprise to us when we see them creeping on women from a far because it has become a normalized thing for them to do in society. Take "Revenge of the Nerds" for example. The movie hits it's comedic peak when boys sneak into a sorority house to plant cameras, only to then spend their time spying on the naked girls. This is even seen in the children's show "Zoey 101", when the boys place a camera in a teddy bear that sits in the girls dormitory. This peeping tom behavior is very common and often overlooked. Boys just "being boys" is actually taking part in rape culture.

3. Nonconsensual touching and groping

Contrary to what our President Donald Trump may think, touching others without their consent is sexual assault. While Trump may think it is okay to "grab them[women} by the pussy" without their okay, it is actually a criminal offense. This can also be seen in Brad Paisley's hit, "Honey I'm still a Guy" with his famous line "when you say a back rub is only a back rub". This exemplifies Paisley's intentions to grope her whether or not she actually wants to be. Along with Paisley, Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" repeats over and over "I know you want it". While things like this have been very normalized in society, they still promote rape culture. Newsflash Paisley and Trump, what you are doing is gross.

4. Comedy - Is it a joke?

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One thing Hollywood has gotten right is how to make its audience laugh, but do we really know what we're laughing about? When it comes to rape, the media believes that phrasing it into a joke will solve all its problems. Take Grease, for example. The song "Summer Nights" on the surface sounds like a preppy, upbeat song about young love. Yet, when we actually listen to the lyrics, the words spell out a completely different truth. "Tell me more, tell me more, did you get very far" and "Tell me more, tell me more, did she put a fight," are two lyrics that sound just a little off. The 'T-Birds' could be implying that Danny had his way with Sandy but because of the catchy tone, we tend to over look it. More recently, with movies such as Superbad and Ted and even TV shows like Family Guy, the subject of rape is the punchline of a joke. We laugh at the comedic relief while forgetting that maybe we shouldn't be laughing. In his return to TV, Dave Chapelle makes a rather vulgar joke in his Netflix debut. Chapelle tells his audience about the tale of a rapist superhero - one who rapes women. While the joke is obviously making fun of rape, Chapelle seems less than worried. Chapelle ends the skit by saying, "So he rapes them. That's the dilemma for the audience because he rapes, but he saves a lot of lives. And he saves way more than he rapes, and he only rapes to save. But he does rape." It's sad to see that, even now, rape is still used as a joke. Instead of laughing, we should be finding a way to stop it.

5. No means No . . . Yes Means Yes

Alright Bieber, let's get one thing straight, when she nods her head no, she seriously means no. A common theme promoting rape culture is the confusion many pop singers are having on what the words "no" and "yes" mean, maybe they skipped English class that day. Justin Beiber's hit "What do You Mean" talks about a girl nodding yes when he knows that she wants to say no. Creepy, right? Or how about our favorite family sing-along "Baby it's Cold Outside". No matter how hard the women tries to get away from her pursuer, he just won't take no for an answer. Contrary to what you may think, women do not always want sex, the absence of a no is not a yes. While these songs are seen as sexy or charming, they are actually promoting sexual assault. Maybe just stick to Jingle Bells or Silent Night next year.

6. Still Needs Consent

When it comes to drinking and consent, these two don’t often mix well—and when something goes wrong you might be tempted to “Blame It On the Alcohol.” Don’t. This Jamie Foxx hit, along with others—Like “Uoeno” by Rick Ross—give a false representation of alcohol and consent. “Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it, I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.” What Ross is describing is sexual assault. Getting a woman drunk or drugging her to take advantage of her is NOT okay, no matter what Jamie and Rick say.

7. Victim Blaming/ Slut Shaming

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In Easy A, all of the high school is quick to judge Emma Stone's character, Olive, and describe her as a "slut". When women take control of their sexual identity, they are immediately labeled as "sluts", "whores", and the like. Too often than not, survivors of rape and sexual assault are blamed for acting "too" promiscuous, or wearing "too" revealing of clothes, or having a reputation of being a "slut" instead of holding the perpetrator responsible for his/her actions. We do not need to validate a rapist's actions nor should we. "What were you wearing?" is not relevant to the unwanted acts done to your body.

8. Not Just A Women's Issue

Let’s make like Jamie and Adam and Bust some Myths real quick. Myth #1: Men can’t be sexually assaulted. Myth: #2 Men always want sex. If it’s wrong to assume that women always want sexual contact (which, it is) why would we assume that men do too?? Take Friends for example, when Chandler goes to Joey’s tailor, Frankie, who inappropriately grabs him by the crotch to “measure the in-seam.” Chandler tells Joey about it, but Joey laughs is off by telling him that’s how tailor’s measure pants—because no one has ever told him about assault—or that he could be a victim.

9. Obsessive and Normalized Sexual Assualt

George R.R. Martin did a lot of things right with Game of Thrones (s/o to the strong female characters like Arya Stark and Olenna Tyrell), but this is not one of them. Those who watch the HBO series are used to the gruesome and graphic scenes of women being taken advantage of, so much so that it is expected. These characters participating in rape are often the ones who become the most popular. Sexual assault/rape is not entertainment and we should not be numb to it.

10. What can WE do?

All it takes is one person. What is important to remember is that you are not alone and there is help available.

RAINN - The nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization 1.800.656.HOPE Voices of Hope - 402.475.7273

Morgan B. UNL Victim Advocate: 402.472.7273

Rae Thomas, PREVENT Coordinator 402.472.2597