Rules of Relationships in 9 Points

It is natural for humans to become attached very easily. We attach ourselves to other people, pets, or objects. Attachment is not necessarily a bad thing, it all depends on your style of attachment, and here is an overview of attachment and how to handle yours in 9 points.

1. Why we become Attached

The way you were raised with your relationships between your parents or parent like figure, creates the way you view love and is why you get attached the way you do. Anxious attachment, avoidant/ independence attachment, disorganized attachment are styles that influence the way you behave in your romantic relationships and how you find a romantic partner.

2. Secure Attachment

Loving comes naturally and are able to be intimate without worrying about your relationship or misunderstandings. You accept your partner's shortcomings and treat them with respect and love. You don't manipulate your partner and are able to openly share anything with them. You are able to de-escalate situations by problem-solving, forgiving, and apologizing during the process.

3. Anxious Attachment

You want to be close and intimate with your partner, but you are afraid that they don’t feel the same about you. As a result, you manipulate your partner to get attention and reassurance by acting out emotionally. Try seeking therapy or a new partner with a secure attachment style.

4. Avoidant Attachment

In this relationship, intimacy is the last thing that comes to your mind. Your independence and self-sufficiency is your main priority and you can only handle being close to your significant other to a certain degree because in relationships you feel self-reliant and aren’t comfortable with expressing your feelings. This causes you to have mental distance with your partner and ongoing dissatisfaction with your relationship with the focus being on the flaws and reminiscing on your single days.

5. Realizing the effect your childhood has on your adulthood

Babies rely on the assurance of safety from parental figures to explore and learn.

When they are frightened by something they seek safety and a soothing disposition from their parent. If these requirements are not met as they grow, people might become clingy or needy, looking to fill that gap inside.

6. How to fix your problem

Creating a coherent narrative helps you to understand what messed you up in the past, so you can evolve in the present. Other solutions consist of psychotherapy, or even the entering of a relationship with someone who has healthier attachments. Knowing your style, the pros and the cons, is important so you know how to change it for the better. Its challenging, but possible.

7. Finding Your Inner “Self”

To find your attachment style, you must get to know your “inner voice,” which is the thing that guides you through life and how you see the world. It also encourages us to recreate our early life experiences through our many different types of behavior. The thing to note however, is that changing our behavior is possible.

8. Earned Security and The Importance

Earned security is the development of a secure style of relationships and interactions in adulthood used to get past insecurities. It can take 3 to 5 years to accomplish but the reward of better relationships and a happier life is well worth it.

9. How to Create an Earned Security

To create an earned security adult attachment style, you need to reconcile your childhood experiences, and make sense of the impact that they have had on you thus far. You need to explore the impact it has had on unconscious decisions you have made.