20 Things That Happen When Your Parents Get Divorced While You're In Your 20s

At 24, you're just now becoming a man. But are you ready to see your whole childhood crumble in front of you? Here's what will happen and how to pick up the pieces.

1. Mom decides a year in advance to tell you she's going to divorce dad at some unspecified point in the future.

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This won't make things with dad awkward at all!

2. Dad proclaims that he made mom promise that they'll be together in this life and all future lives.

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To soften the blow mom will eventually get around to landing, you tell him it's impossible to know for certain if reincarnation is a real thing. Even if it is, you might be gay in the next lifetime, which makes him uncomfortable and then he objects with, "I ASSURE YOU, NOT IN THIS OR ANY OTHER LIFETIME WILL I EVER BE GAY!"

3. Dad calls a family meeting, sans mom.

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Surprise, they're getting a divorce. Act surprised, dammit!

4. Dad's been taking this hard.

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He wants you to get married one day and be happy, because he can't take another disappointment in his life. You briefly consider becoming gay as a life choice, full well knowing there are so many other disappointments coming.

5. Mom has dad followed and finds out what he does during the day.

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Dad's got nothing to lose so it all comes out. Your inner child has died of dysentery.

6. Dad has mom followed. Tit, meet tat.

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She's paranoid and always assumes she's being followed. She loses the investigator by careening across 6 lanes of traffic on the interstate.

7. Mom and dad fight regularly in front of you.

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They both embarrass each other freely because they've always known you're emotionally dead inside.

8. In an effort to avoid each other, mom and dad are almost never home.

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But because they don't coordinate with each other first, they return home more or less at the same time.

9. You throw house parties 24 x 7 since you're now pretty much the only person in the house.

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Wait minute, did someone just drive a motorcycle into the living room?

10. Mom openly flirts with your friends.

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Aaaand you're done with house parties.

11. You learn way more about your parent's sex life then you ever asked for.

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None. You asked for none.

12. Your parents spent a ton of money on a purple rock, and now you get to help them sell it.

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You wish they spent that money on productive things, like marriage counseling.

13. You're the adult in the room. Always.

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...while your parents fight over stuff like who gets the liquor cabinet. Speaking of marriage counseling, if the magic in Beauty and the Beast were real you know that liquor cabinet would make an excellent marriage counselor.

14. Decision time: Who do you live with, mom or dad?

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You're a real boy now, you don't need Child Protective Services to figure out your problems!

15. You picked dad, good choice!

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Your siblings stay with mom. The death of your family is almost complete.

16. Dad rents a house close to both your's and his jobs.

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Your commute is so short, your dog could drive you. Convenience fills the massive hole in your heart.

17. Mom and siblings keep the house.

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And also the liquor cabinet. But the jokes on them, because you emptied it before you left!

18. Mom's new boyfriend tries to intimidate you.

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Mom cheers him on because you are just the worst.

19. If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

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You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Adios!

20. You and dad become two wild and crazy guys!

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You both date the wrong women, buy clothes that are too tight and other things you'll later be embarrassed about. But you get through it all together, and your bond can never be broken.