10 Great Eddie Murphy Quotes

Eddie Murphy is a man with a long career in comedy, from playing in clubs to playing on the big screen. And his jokes have been just as varied. Here’s some of his absolute best—and for even more, be sure to watch a tribute to comedy’s original rock star, ‘Eddie Murphy: One Night Only’ airs on Wednesday, November 14th at 10/9c only on SPIKE!

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“You don’t have to kick no nuts to hurt nobody. You could just graze the nuts.”

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“I want a woman who can arouse my intellect as well as my loins.”

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“You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say ‘Let’s get some parfait.’ they say, ‘Hell no, I don’t like no parfait?’ Parfaits are delicious.”

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“Got to be careful. They say having casual sex nowadays is like playing Russian roulette. And I know I’ve thrown my d*ck on the crap table many a night.”

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[Ice cream trucks] “Kids can hear that sh*t from ten blocks away. They don’t hear their mothers calling, but they hear that motherf***ing ice cream truck.”

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“Mick Jagger’s lips are so big, black people be going ‘You got some big-ass lips!’ ”

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“Now I can’t have no ‘curse’ show, I mean I gotta throw in a few jokes in between the curses, I can’t come out and go ‘Hello Filth flar’n filth, motherf****er, dick, p*ssy, snot and sh*t. Good night! Suck my d*ck!’ ”

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“If I don’t die in a plane crash or something, this country has a rare opportunity to watch a great talent grow.”

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“Fascinating! Semmi, look at this! American is great indeed. Imagine a county so free, one can throw glass on the streets!”

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“I wish people would stop making fun of fat people. They have enough shit on their plates.”

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