1. Anything with reclaimed wood
From where does one even reclaim wood? Is “reclaiming” just another word for “stealing”?
2. Wine bottle displays.
But what if it falls? BUT WHAT IF IT FALLS?
3. Vintage mirrors.
Know how to get this look? Acid. You have to pour acid on a mirror until it starts eating through the glass.
Acid.
Guys.
Acid.
4. Anything that involves cutting glass.
Do people die cutting glass? I think people die cutting glass.
5. Papier mâché bowls.
Oh! All you do is blow up a balloon, papier mâché half the balloon, let it dry for 24 hours, pop the balloon, take gold leaf and lacquer it to the inside of the bowl, let it dry for 24 hours, flip the bowl and paint one coat, let it dry for 24 hours, paint a second coat, let it dry for 24 hours, and VOILA!
A decorative bowl that cannot hold anything with weight or mass.
6. Apple box furniture.
How do you make it not look like a pile of garbage? I mean, it IS a pile of garbage, but how do you make it not LOOK like a pile of garbage?
7. Reupholstering.
Do you like that chair? Don't reupholster it by yourself. It's a trap. It's a HUGE trap.
8. "Simple" hand-drawn designs.
You know how in high school, there would be people who were really good at doodling? Just GOOD at it. The patterns looked nice, even if they weren't complicated.
Now think about what your doodles looked like. Would you want that on a coffee mug or, worse, your wall?
9. Anything that involves soldering.
How do you even pronounce "soldering?" Does hot glue work instead?
10. Art made of bent wire.
You will bleed and you will fail.
11. Replacing a door.
Sure! It's just a couple of screws. Oh! Unless you mis-measured the door. Or the frame. Or the new knobs and locks. Or unless the new door warps. Or shrinks. Or breaks. But you know, easy stuff.
If you get burned by a bad contractor, Adam Carolla has your back.
View this video on YouTube
Watch Catch a Contractor Sunday nights at 10/9c on SPIKE.
