Tea isn't just a hot beverage.
Tea is an institution for British Culture. Friendships are born over the ability to get one’s tea order just right. Poems have been written about tea. Wars have been waged over tea and many a problem has been solved over a cup of tea.
There is only one tea.
There is only one tea and that is English Breakfast tea. Sure, there are other teas, but they are mere shadows of the most important kind of tea. If someone asks if you want a cup of tea, you’ll receive English Breakfast. They’ll usually say “milk and sugar?” – milk is a must, sugar is optional (obviously).
Tea can be drunk at any time of day
Professional tea drinkers will consume at least 5 mugs of tea per day. If you’re really serious about your tea, you’ll own a pint mug. Yes, that’s a mug the size of a pint. Because frankly, a pint is the correct way to measure tea.
FUN FACT: Afternoon tea is something different, involving sandwiches
We drink tea in the afternoon, yes, but we don’t always have it with cucumber sandwiches and scones.
You always have to ask if everyone wants a cup of tea before you make yourself one
Tea etiquette is absolute.
If you are sitting in a group and you want a cup of tea, etiquette stipulates you must offer everyone else a cup of tea, even if you can’t be bothered to make everyone a cup of tea. Getting up to make just yourself a cup of tea is considered rude. Sometimes you’ll get lucky and no one will want to tea. More times, though, you’ll have a least a couple of cups to make.
Tea making is an art
But a relatively easy one.
Get the kettle boiling.
Teabag in mug.
If they take sugar, sugar in mug.
Boiling water onto teabag.
Stir immediately, otherwise you get the weird stuff on top (you’ll know exactly what I’m referring to after this happens to you).
If they like their tea strong, this stage will take a few minutes.
If they like their tea weak, this stage will be quick. This part is trial and error my friend and practice makes perfect.
Now the milk. Go easy, you can always add more milk but you can’t take it away.
Serve with a chocolate hob nob if you’re feeling extra generous.
Tea solves problems
Can’t work out what to write for your essay? Having a bad day? Stubbed your toe?
Have a cup of tea.
It’s scientifically proven* to help
*According to our mums.
Tea > Coffee
Coffee’s fine, but coffee’s a morning drink. Tea offers you all the benefits of coffee, with the added bonus of being far more delicious and easier to drink. Plus, a cup of tea at 8pm at night is totally acceptable. Have a cup of coffee at 8pm at night and your friends will think you’re mad (OR that you have a deadline to hit)
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