1. The plot twist:
"When I was 18, I was causally dating a 19-year-old bro whom I was not at all interested in, but he was really good looking, so I thought, Why not? So he invites me out for Valentine's Day and asks me to meet him at his house (which he shares with 10 equally messy dudes; it wasn't a frat house, but not far off) before we head out.
"Turns out the date is going to be at his house, where there is only leftover pizza that's been sitting out for a day, and he hands me a cheap beer. We watched TV with his roommates until his sister came over. Turns out she was really cool, and we ended up leaving the boys to the TV and listened to music in another room.
"I ended up going out on a few dates with the sister after that."
2. The cat-astrophe:
"Once upon a time, my BF and I were trying to have some sexy times at home on Valentine's Day when my cat attacked his dick. We ended up in the ER for the duration of the holiday, explaining to the nurses what happened while they (very visibly) tried not to laugh. They told everyone on the floor."
3. The style saboteur:
"A former boyfriend took me and his parents to a really fancy steakhouse for a Valentine's Day dinner because they were visiting and wanted to meet me. I was super dressed up in a form-fitting dress that didn't really allow for undergarments, but it was a longer dress and I had no need to worry about a wardrobe malfunction.
"We were all enjoying ourselves when I excused myself to go to the bathroom. In there, a woman tapped me on the shoulder and said, 'Excuse me miss, there is something on the back of your dress.' I turned around to look in the mirror and saw that my ass had split the seam of the back of my dress about three inches, showcasing my crack to the world for who knows how long after I left my house. I had to tie my boyfriend's DAD's jacket around my waist until we got home because I didn't have a coat."
4. The irony:
"I started dating a girl after we met at an anti–Valentine's Day punk show. It went really great until her boyfriend found out."
5. The cat burglar:
"Last Valentine's Day, I was out with bae having a lovely ramen dinner. Our dessert (green tea mochi ice cream) had just arrived when I received a panicked phone call from my roommate saying our apartment had been robbed and she couldn't find the cats. I stuffed a mochi in my mouth and gave the rest to a nice couple next to us. We had already paid the check so I hailed a cab and rushed home, sobbing the whole time about my cats. I was ready to go on a Liam Neeson–style revenge quest to avenge my poor missing cat.
"Luckily, by the time my BF and I got to my apartment, my roommate had found the cats hiding under her bed. But honestly, fuck those robbers. 0/10. Would not get robbed on Valentine's Day again."
6. The well-mannered companion:
"I spent last Valentine’s Day doing poppers in an apartment with a toilet trained cat. Somehow I think this one will be even more depressing."
7. The deadbeat darling:
"My at-the-time boyfriend set up a Netflix date complete with instant mac 'n' cheese and cheap beer. He takes me outside to show me my gift: a passenger seat for his motorcycle. That's kind of sweet, right? So sweet, in fact, that he let his three other girlfriends use it too. I found out about them the next day, packed up my stuff, and left.
"He texted a week later asking where my Xbox and PC went."
8. The couple that explodes together:
"One year on Valentine's Day, my wife and I were both violently ill, so we spent the evening lying on our couch, watching TV, and drinking Gatorade with occasional pause for one or the other of us to run to the bathroom and vomit. We had a rule that, whenever one of us ran out of the room, the other one's job was to pause Netflix and get a cool washcloth ready for the other person.
"It was kind of romantic in a horrible and disgusting way."
9. The blizzard bust:
"In college, I had just started hooking up with a new dude who I really liked and was excited about. On Valentine's Day that year, there happened to be a HUGE snowstorm — so big that my campus was shut down for the day. I was pumped and texted the new dude and asked if he wanted to get snowed in with me. He said he did, so I grabbed a double bottle of white wine (gross), and he came over to my apartment that afternoon.
"About an hour into our hangout, I realized that I was very bored. He was being sweet and romantic, but I was starting to get that horrible stifling feeling you get when someone likes you too much and you're not that into it. And, as I mentioned, we were snowed in — there was no escape. I tried things like making my roommates hang out with us, watching a movie, and suggesting we go to sleep early...but it was rough and never-ending. In the morning, when he finally left, I was so relieved to finally be alone. Happy Valentine's Day!"
10. The private dick:
"It was on the night of Valentine's Day 2014 that I learned my boyfriend ran a secret IG account full of dick pics (and he followed accounts devoted to Lola Bunny????).
"How did I find out? He forgot he was signed into that IG account when he let me post a cute selfie of us when we were out to dinner."