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Which One Of The HomeBitchez Are You?

Ever wondered whether your more of a Deanna or more of an Abbie? Maybe you're a Colleen or Shannon. Hell, maybe you're Erin! Well, now you can find out! Answer these simple questions to see truly which of the HomeBitchez you are.

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  1. 1. What would you do if someone rubbed your HomeBitch the wrong way?
    Lure that person into a false sense of security by evoking friendship but then fucking destroy them.
    Stalk their social media and look for every way to make them suffer, then see above.
    Scope her out and dig up some dirt for my HomeBitch.
    There will be hell to pay and that individual will hear from me until they apologize.
    I'd be up front and say how I feel.
  2. 2. Your HomeBitch starts dating someone. What do you do?
    Ask the HomeBitch if she's happy, and if she says yes - approve; if she says no I hunt that motherfucker down.
    Gotta meet them before I give her my blessing.
    Follow them on ALL social media, stalk their lives, and have a sit down interview with them to talk to them about what they intend on doing with my HomeBitch.
    Stalk the guy and squeal in excitement.
    Don't approve of them until I meet them and they do the dishes at my house after a party without being asked.
  3. 3. How do you cheer up your HomeBitch when she is having a bad day?
    Buy her ice-cream and remind her of something funny we did together.
    Go to her house, pick her up, go shopping or get food, and blast music and sing loudly the entire time while we are driving.
    Confident pep talk and chocolate!
    Message her independently from the group, and get her to vent out her feelings so she feels better. Then tell her she's a Hun (not hon like honey, but Hun a mighty warrior).
    Look for funny videos of dogs and cats and bombard them until all they can do is either laugh at the cuteness or my own stupidity (then follow up with an honest to goodness "How can I help?").
  4. 4. It's GNO. What do you wear?
    GNO?! HELP! SOS! Overthink everything and contact the HomeBitches. And then take forever to get ready.
    Body suit with leather pants and stilettos.
    All black lace dress, showing off the right ratio of ass to tits.
    An outfit with conservative coverage but so fucking tight it doesn't matter. Also heels that could kill a man.
    Cute skirt an a crop top!
  5. 5. What's your drink of choice?
    Craft beer.
    Tom Collins.
    Anything with vodka!
    Gin and tonic.
  6. 6. If you could pick a movie that reflects your life, what would it be?

    School of Rock
    There's so many options but my first thought was The Lion King.
    Literally any RomCom.
  7. 7. What is your guilty pleasure song?
    "Come On Eileen" by Dexys Midnight Runners
    "Dirty Love" by Ke$ha
    TBH I have no fucking clue.
    "Every Time We Touch" by Cascada
    "Can't Stop the Feeling!" by Justin Timberlake
  8. 8. You're going on vacation with The HomeBitchez. What is the one item you have to bring with you?
    Bluetooth speaker!
    A book.
    Plaid shirts.
    A printed itinerary.
  9. 9. Favorite food?
    I'm a picky eater so...pasta or chicken?
    Macaroni and Cheese bitches.
    Is coffee a food?
    A good, juicy steak.
  10. 10. What's your go to hobby?
    Stress baking.
    Do you have a hobby when it becomes your career? Is it a hobby anymore?
    Who has time for hobbies?
    Spotify and Tumblr.
  11. 11. One of The HomeBitchez finds herself in a sticky situation. How do you help a girl out?

    Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
    Offer sound advice, but remind her I will fuck someone up if I have to.
    Tell her: "Violence is never the answer." Then, commit an act of violence in her name to restore her honor. Then tell her: "Do as I say and not as I do."
    Give the best advice I have!
    I continue to talk with her until the situation is over or go to her if able.
    Drive myself to wherever she is and kick some ass.
  12. 12. Favorite swear?
    God damn it!
    Shit! Or maybe fuck!
  13. 13. How do you react when someone likes you?
    I don't know how to react. So I just act awkward because I'm trying to discern if he actually likes me, especially if I actually like him back.
    Act like a 14 year old girl and panic.
    Turn the flirt all the way up!
    I don't know. Probably get attached too quickly? Or if I don't like them, just ignore them.
    Panic, then overanalyze. Repeat.
  14. 14. When someone flirts with you?
    I never know when someone is flirting with me.
    I don't want to flirt back, but by my very nature, it is inevitable.
    Flirt back, but not because I think they're flirting; I just happen to be naturally flirty and automatically assume everyone else is too. (Look where that's gotten me.)
    Laugh. At. Everything.
    I want to get to know them as a person and find their strengths and weaknesses so I can praise them if necessary and crush them when needed.
  15. 15. Which Mean Girls character are you?
    Janice Ian
    Regina George
    Cady Heron
    Gretchen Wieners
    Karen Smith
  16. 16. How do you greet The HomeBitchez after not seeing them for a long time?

    Ask everyone to tell me in detail what they've done since the last time I saw them, then proceed to ask them if they are eating well and getting enough sleep.
    Scream and run in for a hug!
    Screaming, hugging, automatic OMG I NEED TO TELL YOU or REMEMBER THAT TIME THAT WE moments. Followed by food.
    Kiss them and never let go.
    Chill on the outside, hyperventilate on the inside.
  17. 17. Preferred method of communication?
    Usually, it's easiest to reach me with Facebook messaging or texting, but if I have time I love phone calls!
    Facebook Message.
    I don't really care about the medium but almost exclusively in GIFs.
  18. 18. Do you consider yourself organized?
    Messy towards other people, but organized enough for myself!
    Depends on my mood.
    I once lost a salt shaker in my bed. Does that answer your question?
    Everyone else thinks I am, mostly because I keep my professional space neat and tidy. By my room (and my life) is affectionately referred to as a tornado or hurricane on a regular basis.
  19. 19. What is your favorite HomeBitch memory?
    Christmas cookie decorating!
    Seeing everyone all together at The Youngster's high school graduation party!
    Honestly, any memory with my HomeBitchez is a good one. I couldn't imagine life without them.
    Playing Heads Up! on Mom's phone at a bar and not having the patrons care. The waitress even played with us! Too bad The Youngster was too young to go to a bar.
    My 21st birthday, even though Mom wasn't there to take care of us when we were drunk.

Which One Of The HomeBitchez Are You?

You got: Colleen - "The Crazy Gurl"

You are the most outgoing person in your friend group. Your body literally vomits rainbows and sunshine. There is not a bad bone in your body; it's just not physically possible - UNLESS - they fuck with you or your girls, then everyone needs to look the fuck out. The amount of shade you can throw is insurmountable, but you always know how to compliment when you need to. Beauty, grace, Miss United States, you whip your hair back and forth even when everyone is watching. Fuck the haters, you do you.

Colleen - "The Crazy Gurl"
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You got: Deanna - "The Youngster"

You are the Desperate Housewife of your friend group, always dressing to impress and acting like you don't know what's up but you WOKE as fuck. You love children, almost to a terrifying degree, and family is everything to you - including your friends, because they are family too. There is no aspect of the Loud Italian stereotype that you don't exhibit but your friends love you anyway, even though sometimes you sing at a pitch only dogs can hear and break windows. A full grade younger, than the rest of The HomeBitchez, you still manage to act like a middle aged Italian mob wife. Have fun simultaneously being a renowned opera singer and medical something or other (TBD because who knows what they are doing with their life) and housewife!

Deanna - "The Youngster"
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You got: Erin - "The Sassy Cat"

You are secretly one of the nerds of The HomeBitchez, but no one would ever know because they can never get passed how cool you are. Prone to yelling at sports games, you are easily the most athletic of the group. By a long shot. But somehow you also have some of the biggest brains of the group (you fucking engineering student) and never fail to impress with your smarts. Sassy like no other, except for maybe the other HomeBitchez, you carry the group with your fits of giggling and spastic hand motions. Too bad you live the farthest away. Enjoy planning and building your house in the next five years!

Erin - "The Sassy Cat"
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You got: Abbie - "The Rebellious Teen"

The musician of the group, you clearly have more talent in your pinky than the rest of us do in our bodies. You never fail to tell it like it is, but you always somehow do it in a way that's not outright insulting. Having graduated college (in three fucking years, fuck you) you are the first HomeBitch to receive a college degree, but that means nothing when you can't job. Compassionate and empathic, you surprise people with your ability to be simultaneously a good person and a bitch. You never show fear when trying new things (like your bombass lipstick) but you know how to be vulnerable when you need to. Rock on HomeBitch, hopefully you find a job soon.

Abbie - "The Rebellious Teen"
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You got: Shannon - "Mom"

Clearly, you are the parental figure in your friend group. Not only do you exude a sense of poise and maturity, but you will also rip off the face of anyone who hurts your children. Similarly to the other HomeBitchez, not only are you highly intelligent, but you are also creatively gifted. Fickle and indecisive with your choices in life, you somehow find a way to gracefully go with the flow, even when you want to shave your head a la Britney. You are the free spirit of the group because you give no fucks. But also give all the fucks. Quite the contradiction, you are probably going to end up in a small apartment in Cambridge, still dying your hair by yourself with your five dogs. But in the words of Mom: "You do you."

Shannon - "Mom"
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