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1. FINALLY. The Bach is back on.
Who even watches basketball?? Was it really worth it to make us wait this long to see Queen Rachel? No. No, it wasn’t.
2. Lee is a psycho, racist, piece of sh*t.
3. “Do you and Imma do me.” - Said every guy in a confrontational situation ever.
4. I despise Lee. My body fills with disgust when he enters the shot.
5. Please god, let Rachel hate Lee as much as we do.
6. “I think Lee is a f*cking moron. “ YAS DEAN. TELL EVERYONE.
7. Wait, your grandfather carried that fresh ass, clean block of wood around everywhere? Really, Lee? Really.
8. DEAN KNOWS WHAT A QUARK IS???? How does someone that attractive even know that word let alone how to spell it.
9. “You know exactly what I mean.” GOD, DEAN IS SPOT ON RN.
Side note: Yeah producers, you do know exactly what he means because you reached out to Lee via Facebook to cast him, AN OPEN RACIST, to be on this season just to stir racial drama. Which is repulsive on so many levels.
10. I still can’t believe rose ceremonies are just expected to be at the beginning of episodes now. NOT COOL ABC, NOT COOL.
11. Please Josiah, spit truth on Lee’s racist self.
12. Dean’s running commentary on Lee is legit everything I need rn.
13. WAIT. Who is this creepy porcelain doll looking dude?!?! He’s terrifying.
14. Oh Josiah, Lee was never your friend. It’s best you learn now.
15. People who laugh at other people when they are at their angriest/most upset moment are actually the worst and most evil people out there. Looking at you, Lee.
16. Who are we kidding? Peter and his salt n’ pepper hair have this in the bag.
17. That suit vest.
18. That pout. Peter is life.
19. QUEEN. Just Keeping It 100 right now. Seriously, tell us about the pressure! We’re here for you, Rachel. Your fandom is here.
20. “I’m not talking anymore.” Rachel is legit the most pimp, intelligent Bachelorette in history.
21. Rachel’s just like yo, you can’t offer me anything right now.
22. Queen Rachel shutting down cocktail parties early. And making Harrison deliver her message. Pimp af.
23. ROSE CEREMONY FINALLY. What is it, like 9PM by now?!?! Ok, 8:25, but still.
24. I hope Lee goes home, but I know my karma and the twisted minds of the producers won't let that happen. A girl can dream.
25. THIS LEE THING IS UNCALLED FOR?!? Who even is this guy with bushy eyebrows and a weird hairline defending Lee? Matt. Apparently, his name is Matt.
26. Ugh, and he gets a rose.
27. I still can’t believe ABC risked the safety of these men by casting Lee in order to instigate racial drama for better ratings.
28. Please, if there is a god, let Queen Rachel eliminate Lee.
29. Final Rose. It’s v lit rn.
30. DIGGY HASN'T GOTTEN A ROSE?!?! HIS GLASSES THOUGH, RACHEL!!!
31. Bryce. That’s the porcelain doll looking one.
32. WHY LEE THO?!?!? WE WOULD’VE TAKEN THE PORCELAIN DOLL.
33. Oh Diggy, you and your glasses deserved better.
34. I would miss talking to Rachel too, Diggy.
35. I still can’t believe Jack Stone hasn’t been eliminated yet.
36. Dean is such a cute lil bb.
37. Aw, him & Rachel holding hands is everything.
38. They’re riding in a Jeep. This date is already a thousand times better than the horse/Rodeo Drive situation and it just started.
39. Have I mentioned Rachel’s coat game is on point?
40. Because it is.
41. Omg stop. Dean is afraid of heights and they casually drop during his first one-on-one that they’re going on a blimp.
Bach Rule #33: Never tell the producers on this show any of your fears. They will force you into the most terrifying realization of those fears in the form of a first date.
42. Dean looks so unhappy about this blimp. I’m dying.
43. “Level of freak out on a scale of 1 to 10... is probably like a 10.” The face Dean makes after this statement is priceless.
44. Queen Rachel just legit taking the wheel from them. That one blimp pilot is so concerned. “Be very careful!”
45. Wait, Dean should forever put his seatbelt on?!?! Wtf?!? Why is everyone like oh seatbelts! Ha! Who wears those?? Umm…. everyone? Especially in a blimp.
46. Lol @ this makeout nook on the blimp. I want one.
47. “RACHEL & DEAN 4 EVER” - The blimp, to all the other guys. I’m actually dead.
48. I’m telling you. Jack Stone does something super weird with his teeth, chin, jaw.
49. God, this group date started out so strong. Then Lee’s name was read.
50. Dean just breaking my f*cking heart talking about his mom.
51. Yas, Queen. Give him that rose. *sobbing silently*
52. Russell Dickerson. Not familiar? No worries, it’s just another D-list band ABC is pretending anyone has ever listened to before.
53. Lol someone for sure fed Dean the name of the band in his confessional.
54. “Go Ti-ckle, Go Ti-ckle!” - The best/worst chant that ever was.
55. I can’t with Josiah’s boob twitching.
56. Peter, killin’ it with the Titanic swoop. Well done.
57. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than a bad freestyle rap verse. But Peter is so sincere.
58. He just rhymed with “fart.” Definitive proof that nothing can make Peter unattractive in my eyes.
59. A SPELLING BEE OMG YES.
60. Please let Lee be stupid af.
61. Iggy is done for. But to be fair, that double L will get ya.
62. My money’s on Anthony.
63. These 12-year-old judges are flawless.
64. The real question is where did Rachel get that top from?!? V cute.
65. ADAM'S DOLL THOUGH.
66. Lol poor Tickle Monster is legit a Doctor, but his profession on the Bach will always be just Tickle Monster.
67. Kenny pronouncing champ-ahg-ney is everything.
68. “It’s more pressure than you think.” A grown man rn referring to a spelling bee with 12-year-old judges.
69. THIS JUST GOT V SEXUAL SO QUICK. There are literal children present.
70. Josiah’s delivery is smooth af.
71. Oh shit, boutonniere. Who can even spell that?? No one. (Tbh, I had to use spellcheck.)
72. All the sudden they just picked the hardest words they could think of.
73. I’m actually laughing out loud at Josiah rn. This is hilarious.
74. Damn. Josiah is smart af.
75. Lol @ Peter & Iggy. Some bitter b*tches that can’t spell.
76. Alright chill, Josiah. You won; we get it.
77. Josiah drinking out of this trophy is so hilarious in the most obnoxious way.
78. Peter & his tucked in polo. S’ cute.
79. Lol remember Peter’s awful freestyle? Still trying to forget.
80. I WOULD NEVER WEAR SHOES EITHER, PETER & RACHEL! CAN WE ALL BE FRIENDS GUYS?? PLEASE!
81. “I’m licensed to practice in Wisconsin.” - AKA the Queen is down to marry Peter tomorrow. Stop the show. It’s over.
82. The men praising Rachel’s fashion and her career and intelligence is what the Bachelorette has always been missing.
83. Rachel is pretty drunk and I’m loving it.
84. Cleaning is a stress reliever for me too, Rachel!!!! We’re basically the exact same.
85. Iggy’s discomfort is palpable and it’s so hilarious.
86. “I don’t want to be the reason there’s drama tonight.” - Iggy. AKA he's definitely going to be the reason there’s drama tonight.
87. Watching Iggy snitching right now is like living out this meme:
88. “All due respect, Iggy’s a b*tch.” - A v chill Josiah, clearly.
89. Ugh god, Lee is the absolute worst. He’s such a manipulator.
90. AND LIAR. Like what??? Kenny never did any of that “aggressive” sh*t.
91. Lee is actually evil.
92. "Keeping It 100." Knew we couldn’t get through an ep without this season’s catchphrase.
93. Lee is a psychopathic sadist.
94. “He’s an alternative facts type of person.” Kenny knows what’s up.
95. Lee’s reaction to Kenny makes my blood boil.
96. *Josiah talking in the shittiest British accent* But what is that accent, though??? “Black ass Joffrey.” Actually dying.
97. “He must be a wildling!” *Josiah continuing the shittiest British accent ever* Dead. These GOT references saved this episode.
And those are all my thoughts for this week! See you next week for the MOST DRAMATIC TWO-PART EPISODE SPECIAL EVER! (Sure, ABC.)
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