If you could deliver a letter to yourself five years ago and provide some words of wisdom on dating, what would you say?
We asked a group of women to do just that. Here is what they said:
"Dear Me,
Just because you haven't been on a date, doesn't mean you don't deserve one. Be patient and be kind to yourself. And when one comes your way, don't busy yourself with learning "Rules." There aren't many that count for everyone, forever. Just be present and kind. And just keep laughing at yourself and at hard and awkward things. You're okay, I promise.
Love, Me"
"Dear Me,
Don't date too young.
Don't date too old.
Too young is dumb.
Too old is too much pressure.
If given the choice though, go older.
It's so much less annoying.
Don't be such a prude.
Sleep with everyone you can tolerate for a night.
Because who cares?
Stop listening to people.
Instead pay attention to how they act.
Date someone GAY.
Date someone SINGLE.
Date someone gay and single!
Back off your gfs' asses.
Wait, actually don't.
These hoes ain't loyal.
Don't date people you can't trust.
Don't date at all; you're not ready.
Love, Me"
"Dear Me,
Sometimes your life will look like living with your girlfriend and a cat, and sometimes it will look like living behind a bookcase in an apartment with your best friend and googling "18+ gay bars" on Saturday night. Enjoy that absurdity. Be a little easier on yourself.
Also don't go to those bars, they're weird.
Love, Me"
"Dear Me,
You should learn to love yourself before trying to love someone else.
You shouldn't give so much to someone else that you completely lose yourself.
The first girl who breaks your heart is going to do a number on you. Hold tight.
Your first love will be epic but disastrous, your second love will teach you what a real relationship is. Hold out for #2 and let #1 teach you some hard lessons.
I can't report on #3 yet.
Hold out for someone who wants to date all of you, not just in private and not with 'ifs' and 'buts' – someone who will date you openly and proudly. It's worth the wait.
Oh, and fuck what other people think.
P.S.: How can all girls not be dating girls? It's the best.
Love, Me"
"Dear Me,
You're never too old to be a baby queer. And you'll never level up past baby queer if you don't get out there. GET THAT V!!!
Love, Me"
"Dear Me,
Pro tip: there's no actual rule that says you can only date boys. You'll be surprised when you first get a crush that girl, but, FYI, it won't be just a crush. And it will be the best relationship of your life. It will be the first time you feel comfortable when someone really looks at you, the first time you feel like you don't have to pretend to be the cool girl you've tried to convince yourself you were for so many years.
And -- can you not keep it a secret for so long? It's just silly -- I promise no one cares.
Love, Me"
"Dear Me,
Don't think about what it's like dating as a lesbian or a queer human - and all the stereotypes and expectations that come with that. Just approach dating as you (a human who likes other humans).
Be with humans who adore your eccentricities, instead of blush at them.
Love, Me"
"Dear Me,
I know you love him, but you definitely don't love having sex with him. You'll avoid facing this truth for a long time.
This is okay.
You'll get to the girls you're supposed to be with eventually. And after, people will continually ask why you didn't realize how flamingly gay you are any sooner. But it's none of their goddamn business. Take your time. Your path is your own. Love that boy a little longer. You've got nothing to prove to anyone.
Love, Me"
"Dear Me,
Don't bother asking your boyfriend if it would be alright for you to hook up with women while you're traveling apart. He's going to say no and eventually you'll break up so you can do it anyway.
Love, Me."
"Dear Me,
If you're not ready to introduce her to your parents, maybe it's more about you than it is about her.
Don't move in yet.
Don't feel like you have to sleep with dudes 'just to check.' You can be sure without contrary evidence.
Don't sleep with professors. Some things are better left as fantasies.
Also: Lesbian Bed Death shouldn't happen when you're only 21. It just means you don't like each other any more.
Love, Me"
"Dear Me,
Your apartment is not a hotel. If she stops putting out, she's just not that into you.
Spoiler alert! You're gonna start dating girls even though you've been alive all these years and never knew that you were into girls in that way. It's totally chill though- you only have a couple freak outs followed by some of the best sex of your life. Tally ho!
Remember: It's not you, it's her.
If you have more fun by yourself than with her, then end it.
Pretty doesn't always mean 'girlfriend material.' Sure, she's hot, but if she's not interested in dating you? Take a picture and place it in your secret love box you keep hidden under your bed.
Dear Me: Can I have your autograph?
Dear Me: "Walk Away" - Kelly Clarkson
Love, Me."
"Dear Me,
I know you think that girl who boulders, gives you free pot, has a sweet sleeve and long flowing hippie hair is a badass hottie. But! She will eventually reveal to you that she lives in her van, doesn't have an income and only manages a shower once a week. Sometimes heeding the "YOLO" philosophy is appropriate and adventurous. In this case, girl, choose the cutie who is clean and can afford her rent. (She'll give you free pot, too!)