Skip To Content

    Definitive Proof That Carrie Brownstein Is Not Of This Earth

    No one woman should have all that power.

    Carrie Brownstein is one of the most magical, whimsical, and perfect creatures on our small planet.

    Stephen Lovekin / Getty

    Dare I say it...too perfect?

    Her entire existance straddles the line between reality and fiction.

    AP Photo/IFC, Augusta Quirk

    Is she a rock star? Is she an actress? Does she even exist?

    Her ability to change form and outward appearance seems absolutely unending.

    Her musical prowess can destroy hearts...

    ...and apparently defy the common law of gravity.

    Just don't ask the former Sleater-Kinney and Wild Flag musician "What does it feel like to be a woman playing music?"

    Carrie doesn't have time for that nonsense.

    She's too busy being a complete boss.

    Her tweets are both insightful revelations and raw poetry.

    Saw the kind of beard that extends solely from the chin in a scraggly, long, curly waterfall and the words "pubic drape" came to mind.

    Carrie Brownstein@Carrie_Rachel

    Saw the kind of beard that extends solely from the chin in a scraggly, long, curly waterfall and the words "pubic drape" came to mind.

    04:38 PM - 29 Mar 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

    Adult/child confluence perfected: just had wine and cereal for dinner.

    Carrie Brownstein@Carrie_Rachel

    Adult/child confluence perfected: just had wine and cereal for dinner.

    11:15 PM - 4 Feb 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

    Sometimes when I have dry skin, a few pimples, and a hang nail, I think, 'my body is a wonderland.'

    Carrie Brownstein@Carrie_Rachel

    Sometimes when I have dry skin, a few pimples, and a hang nail, I think, 'my body is a wonderland.'

    01:56 PM - 25 Nov 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

    The same could be said of her facial expressions.

    *this is an insightful revelation*

    *this is raw poetry*

    She studied sociolinguistics in college, which sounds completely made up.

    Astrid Stawiarz / Getty

    *Sociolinguistics is actually looking at the way in which people communicate via computers, social media, phones, and the way that particular language changes. OK FINE.

    Her makeout sessions look like rare works of art.

    Strange and beautiful art.

    Her friendship with Portlandia co-star Fred Armisen is suspiciously perfect.

    Charles Sykes / AP

    Seriously, someone make it stop. It's too much.

    No mere mortal could sit next to Annie Clark and not instantly crumble into nothingness.

    Dimitrios Kambouris / Getty Images for The New Yorker
    Getty Images

    And yet, there she sits.

    Her genuine kindness will put any other kindness to utter shame.

    Mathew Imaging / WireImage

    How can one person stand to contain such vast wisdom and talent?

    Getty Images

    Someone must stop her reign of perfection.

    IT'S ALL TOO MUCH, CARRIE!

    In conclusion, she must be a strange deity from some distant planet.

    Astrid Stawiarz / Getty Images

    This is the only logical conclusion for her perfect existence.