1.
had to cancel my landlord for asking me to pay every month?? You are soooo cancelled sis ✌🏼✌🏼 not inviting that type of energy into my life
2.
this is literally how birthday cake works
3.
my stepdad found a tapeworm in the shower so he put it in a ziplock bag with some water so it wouldnt die and brought it to the lab and this morning they called and said sIR THIS IS AN ONION
4.
Carrie Underwood: “he's probably buying her some fruity little drink 'cause she can't shoot whiskey” 8 yr old me: wow how embarrassing
5.
no one: my dad on the phone: S as in Sam, O as in octopus
6.
My mom: My dog:
7.
College taught me to have a time limit for emotional breakdown. Like cry for a minute. Move on. Continue studying. Def NO TIME FOR SLACKING OFF!!!
8.
me still putting on my lipgloss after my middle school teacher told me “this is English not beauty class”
9.
why does no one tell you 50% of having any adult job is pretending to look busy for 8 hours a day
10.
Chi ldren cken
11.
IPhone 7 and below after this #AppleEvent
12.
me every time a guy holds eye contact with me in public for longer than three seconds
13.
Boyfriend: what’s wrong? Girlfriend: nothing.... Girlfriend the rest of the day:
14.
“Imma get gas on my way to work tomorrow”
15.
They had me fucked up ❗️🤣
16.
My mom didn’t have to do me like that...
17.
I just... want to.. cry....
18.
You know you’ve been in NY too long when u look at this and think, “wow that’s a really nice looking trash pile”