1.
im officially taken 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 as a fucking joke
2.
I don’t give a fuck about “moist” but if you ever use the word “delicious” or even “tasty” to describe something that isn’t food I might have to kill you
3.
him: “she’s prob cheating on me on her girls trip” her:
4.
them: “you need to battle your demons” me & my demons:
5.
I belong to the sheets
6.
For every hour I spend with someone I gotta spend 72 hrs alone
7.
I hope this guy i met at the Eiffel Tower and asked for a pic of us kissing so i could pretend i had a romantic time in Paris is doing good.
8.
I don’t care for math. if a number wants to get different that’s none of my business
9.
10:30pm on friday night absolutely posted in bed with a candle lit I rly truly envy 14th century bitches who died long before they reached 23 I am so tired
10.
millenials b like: terrible service. 5 stars and 20% tip so this idiot can pay their bills
11.
Body: we need sleep Me: no, if we sleep before 11:30 we lose Body: what the fuck are you talking about
12.
My sister is a fool 😂 she killed this though @KekePalmer IG: ebscurlytv
13.
imagine being a kid, going trick or treating, and receiving candy from your friendly neighbor sitting on his porch steps: paul rudd
14.
this sweet man ..... made a twitter account to show me his pasta because you cant send pictures on tinder https://t.co/m3LMsfRW6S
15.
If anyone wants to know how my weekend went I totaled my car while dressed up as Carrie and everyone who was a first responder thought I was dead HAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY
16.
A little girl with green hair chalk just asked me if my hair was dyed for Halloween. When I told her it was green year round she turned to her dad and screamed: “YOU SAID GREEN HAIR WAS ILLEGAL AFTER HALLOWEEN! WHY DID YOU LIE?!”
17.
my therapist just referred to her therapist as my grand-therapist . trying to process.
18.
dating a skinny guy is cool and all until you’re cooking and you accidentally boil him with the noodles
19.
my bf fell asleep in the living room so i went to the room and fell asleep tell me whyyyy this mf was up at 5 am standing at the foot of the bed w the blanket wrapped around him in the dark talking bout “why you left me in there by myself” i almost pissed myself 😭😭😭
20.
another girl just passed me this note across our lecture hall, im baby🥺