1.
“you think you can do these things nemo but you just can’t!”
2.
it’s above me now https://t.co/88ua7EXGAL
3.
Sure I could go to a high school reunion, but what would I say to them? Congrats on the pyramid scheme? Congrats on the teen marriage? Nothing I say would sound sincere
4.
My friend got attacked by a swan. Twitter, plz do ur thang.
5.
women’s nudes: here’s me in $95 lingerie, lounging in front of an ornate mirror during golden hour men’s nudes: here’s a Snapchat quality pic of my dick next to an empty can of sour cream & onion pringle’s
6.
Every r/relationships post by a man: can we all AGREE that my WIFE is a CRAZY BITCH because of [some completely innocuous behaviour] Every r/relationships post by a woman: my husband is sweet and caring and our relationship is perfect except for [terrifying serial killer shit]
7.
An actual text my mother just sent me
8.
So it was my cousins 3rd birthday and instead of having a normal theme she chose this
9.
Yes, I did a photo shoot with my thesis. Longest labor ever. #phdlife
10.
Isn’t a straight pride parade just the drive thru line at Chick-Fil-A?
11.
Hate when i go out in public n other ppl b there
12.
never forget the time my brother missed the bus and wrote my mom this note
13.
when people leave my 15 yr old sister on read she sends them voice memos of her Screaming
14.
So i was tryna give my hamster a photoshoot and his food fell out of his cheeks ...
15.
I am not in a Walmart parking lot physically right now but I am in a Walmart parking lot emotionally
16.
mamma mia ah shit 🤝 here we go again
17.
This is why we can’t have nice things. I was trying to take a picture of the lobster roll I ordered in Maine and well, this happened 😂🤦🏻♀️