1.
grimes explaining people how to pronounce her baby’s name
2.
men are like “im sorry if me dating you made you think that I want to date you”
3.
I just left the gym and a guy in the parking lot yelled “damn you must be heavy set!” so feeling powerful and also annoyed i said “go fuck yourself” and he said “alright go to hell then” and it just dawned on me that he actually said “heaven sent” but whatever whats done is done
4.
When you mad but your man asks if you wanna go get food https://t.co/4qeJOscGpY
5.
You literally have to cook as soon as you get in because if you chill for one second you have lost
6.
my best friend told me that if i died in an embarrassing way, she would frame herself for my murder so i didn’t “look so fucking pathetic” 🥰
7.
one time i was my college’s mascot for a basketball game. emphasis on one time
8.
In 15 or so years beards will be unstylish again and we're gonna be seeing dudes faces for the first time in a generation. It's gonna be real bad.
9.
HUH HOW ARE THERE KIDS NOW THAT DONT KNOW ONE DIRECTION
10.
We’ve come to an open air screening of Cats and...no one else is here
11.
Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by friday
12.
WAS SHOOTING HIS MOTHER NOT ENOUGH
13.
Overheard in the women’s bathroom: “I just feel so stupid—“ “No, HE’S the stupid one! HE’S the STUPID ASS HOLE. Look at yourself, you’re a fucking goddess and he’s a shitty shoebox.” “Oh my god. Thank you... ... ... What’s your name?” “Shana.” “I’m Mandy.”
14.
LMAO y’all my mom does these makeup tutorials and just talks shit about my sister and I the whole time 😭
15.
just found my favorite tiktok
16.
guys help me which perfume should i get?? im so confused
17.
said it a billlion times i’ll say it again there are no new dip n dots we are eating down a reserve made over a decade ago
18.
When I was a wee emo this guy asked me out - I didn’t hear from him on the day till he texted me saying sorry & that his bat had died😪 so I got him a condolence card & a present and took it to the date like I’m so sorry about ur pet bat & he was like no I meant my phone battery https://t.co/pur9ENV6SE
19.
uhhhhhhhhh i just figured out that “ofc” is “of fucking course” but this whole time i’ve been reading it “ofcourse” ………… anyway if u need a dumbass just hmu
20.
looking for a guy who wants a lady in the streets but an uncontrollable anxiety-ridden mess grappling with her ongoing existential crisis in the sheets
21.
coming home to see all my makeup still out on my bed and my alternative outfits allover the room https://t.co/BAeQ1Ik5D4
22.
Queer Eye Season 6:
23.
Sometimes it’s hard being an ambitious person in the body of a person who loves taking naps
24.
aight imma head out