1.
it was my nephew's 100 day and none of us were worthy
2.
All I’m getting from this is that strippers have the same body strength as trained soldiers https://t.co/KzpNpXoIK5
3.
Who will marry you now that the entire world has seen your nipples? Men of nowadays have no morals https://t.co/MndLAqgkBL
4.
ATTENTION MEN: STOP BUYING YOUR GIRLFRIEND FLOWERS AND PERFUME FOR VALENTINE’S DAY AND GET HER WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS. A SWORD
5.
where was this energy in la la land? https://t.co/P0nbV23wX3
6.
See?? It’s hard! https://t.co/gEpcMUYjSy
7.
my dad bitched at my mom for not bringing napkins to the dinner table n I was like so why u ain’t get them yourself then? and he was like “here comes ms human rights” wowwww lmaooo
8.
break up with your girlfriend she’s cheating on you every Thursday in the projection room above the auditorium with Shane Oman
9.
No one: Girls caught in pyramid schemes:
10.
it was extremely windy last night and my boyfriend couldn't sleep and I woke to find him on the wikipedia page for Wind
11.
When you’re on a roller coaster and you know the camera is coming up
12.
nobody tell dolly we work from 9 til 9 now :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
13.
offset needs to MOVE. I understand why rihanna never had a date to the awards shows. they mess up the look. https://t.co/pDy3gCqd5J
14.
On TV no men can tie a necktie but all women can and there’s no backstory to explain it
15.
this is what my sister sends me first thing in the morning
16.
me, a human, when I have to retake Google’s reCAPTCHA test because I failed to prove that I’m not a robot
17.
should we tell them https://t.co/dhXZlZ9ELm
18.
Roses are red Violets are stupendous