1.
a tropical storm BEARING MY MOTHER’S NAME is heading for the beach where my dad is supposed to get married this weekend
2.
when u ask ur boyfriend to buy u tampons
3.
On day 16 of my sophomore year of college i popped a watermelon w my legs. enjoy.
4.
Leonardo dicrapio wants to save the earth cos his next girlfriend isnt born yet
5.
Me finding out that my rich husband has died of mysterious circumstances
6.
'no worries if not!' I type, with full knowledge that, if not, I will worry
7.
tried to give my sister a fright n forgot holly was there 😂😂😭 howling
8.
Blonde woman, top left. She is all of us 😂
9.
this is niche but I love planners and I also love how every planner girl on insta is like "my planner is absolutely KEY to keeping my life organized and in my control" and then her itinerary for all of monday-friday is like "remember to take deep breaths"
10.
just learned with horror that deleting any of the "family" emojis in google slides does not remove the emoji, but rather kills off each individual family member one by one, starting with the children
11.
Women have left the group chat https://t.co/gGBqgjtdt0
12.
“I haven’t taken a photo of me in awhile” *takes one* me: oh that’s why. https://t.co/gMwjHFLrYA
13.
I know im happy because I don’t fuck with anything dangerous anymore. bungee jumping no I do not think so life’s good
14.
My neighbor across the street had a pumpkin plant take over his entire front yard. I asked him what fertilizer he used. “None! This was an accident from our jack o’ lantern.” Then like captain Ahab he stared into the distance and said, “I’ve just got to see this through.”
15.
IM SCREAMING
16.
i genuinely dk how the fuck am i supposed to have kids...ur telling me if they suggest getting ice cream for dinner and picking up another dog on our way back i have to say no and act like thats not a great fuckin idea lmfao sorry im not fake
17.
When your parents ask you why you're still single https://t.co/65ju78POKm
18.
My professor doesn't believe in laser pointers so he uses a fishing pole with a foam finger attached and I can't contain myself during lecture lmao
19.
Working class friends: Here. Have all my food. I will nourish you for free my child. Rich friends: if you used my salad dressing can you e-transfer me 10 cents
20.
Only in Florida and only at Publix
21.
I ordered pizza last night and my daughter said: “Mom, wings too”. I looked at her and said: “You have wing money?” as a joke. Two seconds later, she brought her stepping stool to her bookshelf, got her piggy bank and said “count my coins.”
22.
My dad is a full on VSCO girl