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Kane From Shortie Street Got BUFF

How bad is it, really, tho, ogling a teenager?

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Guys, Kane from Shortland Street got into construction over the summer and got BUFF. By this, of course, I mean that KJ Apa’s much anticipated (no? Maybe it was just me…) show, Riverdale, finally aired a year after first going into production and a good while since he left Shortie.

I don’t know how familiar you are with Archie Comics, but they’re a big thing in India. You can buy the paperbacks off the side of the road, and at least one person in every household has a bona fide stash of them. In ours, it’s my sister. Being the mindless fodder it is, I was expecting a lovely comedy in the way of the comics -- silly me -- especially since Cole Sprouse (of Disney Channel fame) plays Jughead, a gluttonous joker of a character.

But no. Not at all. Jughead is emo AF, and without giving too much away, the relationships themselves are emo AF, dark and also most definitely adult and not teenage – really unsettling when you've known these characters since you were 5. Also, I don't know what kinda high school you went to, but sophomores -- or the New Zealand equivalent -- do NOT look like KJ Apa a la Archie Andrews.

Considering he is 19, there is a bit of a cringe factor at ogling someone still in his teens, but...

1. I started following him in his Shortie days, when he was about 15 or 16, so at least it's all well above board now.

2. age becomes less of a thing the older you get.

3. have you seen him?!

OK, you can’t really see his face in that one (no complaints from me!), so here –

It seems Kane's one five-second and really-not-awkward-at-all guitar lesson from Ed Sheeran himself seems to have convinced him to become a rock star.

Herein lies the rather blatant similarities to Glee. 'Huh?' Is what I imagine you are saying. Riverdale is written by the creative director of Archie Comics, who also, weirdly, worked on Glee.

Kane's—Sorry, Archie's internal struggle between music and football is basically Finn (rest his soul) reincarnated; Betty and Veronica = the blonde and brunette his heart is torn between. For heaven's sake, even the cheerleader outfits have been recycled, just with different colours. However, I will choose to believe that Archie Comics did it first, because this is all pretty much canon.

I think Vulture was a bit unfair in their recap when they said the only substantial thing about KJ was his eyebrows, because I think his American accent was pretty good, even if it has that slight lisp that tends to present itself when a Kiwi does an American accent. When he first debuted the red hair on Instagram, I laughed out loud. Dear reader, I humbly stand corrected.

The recap was doubly unfair for not mentioning this woman's incredibly aggressive eyebrows.

In summary, I will continue watching Riverdale, not only in the continual pursuit for Hot Guy Appreciation, but because it is nothing less than my civic duty to do so in support of a fellow New Zealand. However, I will most definitely have to keep it very firmly separated from Archie Comics, because THIS does NOT equal THAT.

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