back to top

11 Pearls Of Wisdom From Andrew Dice Clay

He’s never been afraid to speak his mind. Want more wisdom from the master? Watch the new SHOWTIME® original series DICE, Sundays at 9:30 p.m. ET/PT — or stream the full season now.

Posted on

1. “No man should ever pay for another man’s Denali.”

Kelsey McNeil/SHOWTIME®

2. “The ATM’s charging a $5 fee? I ain’t paying it. It’s like tipping the machine.”

Kelsey McNeil/SHOWTIME®

3. “Normally, you get coffee and it’s really hot. What I do is right before I sip it, I blow on it a little.”

Courtesy of SHOWTIME®

4. “Comics and magicians, they don’t mix."

Kelsey McNeil/SHOWTIME®

5. “Sometimes you gotta take your balls out and put ‘em on the butcher block, or else, what’s the fucking point?”

Kelsey McNeil/SHOWTIME®

6. “If you owe the bank a few dollars, the bank owns you. But if you owe the bank a lot of money, you own the bank.”

Courtesy of SHOWTIME®

7. "You never change a fucking nickname. Ever.”

Courtesy of SHOWTIME®

8. “Don’t try to get too deep inside me. It’s a very scary place to be.”

Kelsey McNeil/SHOWTIME®

9. “Don’t carry another guy’s jacket.”

Kelsey McNeil/SHOWTIME®

10. “Life is long. One day you’re selling out Madison Square Garden, the next you’re playing the back of a sushi restaurant called ‘Bonzai.’”

Kelsey McNeil/SHOWTIME®

11. “A comedian knows when the bit is over.”

Kelsey McNeil/SHOWTIME®

A wise man, indeed.

View this video on YouTube

youtube.com

Watch Andrew Dice Clay in his new SHOWTIME® original comedy series. Catch new episodes of DICE Sundays at 9:30 p.m. — only on SHOWTIME®, or download the app to start your free trial now.