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11 Pearls Of Wisdom From Andrew Dice Clay

He’s never been afraid to speak his mind. Want more wisdom from the master? Watch the new SHOWTIME® original series DICE, Sundays at 9:30 p.m. ET/PT — or stream the full season now.

1. “No man should ever pay for another man’s Denali.”

2. “The ATM’s charging a $5 fee? I ain’t paying it. It’s like tipping the machine.”

3. “Normally, you get coffee and it’s really hot. What I do is right before I sip it, I blow on it a little.”

4. “Comics and magicians, they don’t mix."

5. “Sometimes you gotta take your balls out and put ‘em on the butcher block, or else, what’s the fucking point?”

6. “If you owe the bank a few dollars, the bank owns you. But if you owe the bank a lot of money, you own the bank.”

7. "You never change a fucking nickname. Ever.”

8. “Don’t try to get too deep inside me. It’s a very scary place to be.”

9. “Don’t carry another guy’s jacket.”

10. “Life is long. One day you’re selling out Madison Square Garden, the next you’re playing the back of a sushi restaurant called ‘Bonzai.’”

11. “A comedian knows when the bit is over.”

A wise man, indeed.

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Watch Andrew Dice Clay in his new SHOWTIME® original comedy series. Catch new episodes of DICE Sundays at 9:30 p.m. — only on SHOWTIME®, or download the app to start your free trial now.