1. On social gatherings:
Looks great...
2. On resolving fights:
Cheats on wife? Dance with her till she forgives you!
3. On marriage:
4. On foreplay:
Foreplay 101: *click on bed: relax* *click on sim: invite over* *click on sim: cuddle* *click on sim: woohoo*
5. On sexy time:
the hardest thing to do is trying to get both your sims to relax on the bed at the same time so you can ask them to woohoo
6. On healthy snacks:
7. On doing the dishes:
Eats meal, Ignores dishwasher and takes plate to upstairs bathroom to wash it.
8. On aging:
wrong person blows out the candles they grow up instead
9. On dating:
10. On finding your soulmate:
Meets someone Married next day with kids
11. On birthdays:
inviting strangers to your child's birthday party
12. On crushes:
making yourself and your celeb crush so you can live happily in your mansion
13. On bedtime:
When you don't know your wife well enough to share a bed with her
14. On cheering up:
In a bad mood? Wash your hands!
15. On a totally normal landscaping hobby:
killing as many people as possible to create a cemetery in your back yard
16. On finding a place to sit:
Why sit at the table with your dinner when you have a seat in the corner
17. On getting hired:
Employer: What qualifications do you have? Me: I once played chess when I was like 12 years old Employer: Employer: You're hired.
18. On your career track:
First day at work Gets promoted
19. On being a people-person:
When someone tries to touch you
20. On beauty choices:
Everyday hair is long Bald when exercising
21. On being handy:
Toilet breaks? Deletes and buys a new one
22. On dinner:
Burns food *calls guests to meal*
23. On genetics:
Mother has blue hair, child inherits it
24. On people making fun of you:
"How could anyone waste their time playing the sims." Me:
25. And, of course, on playing The Sims:
Me: I'm only going to play the sims for half an hour Inner me: create a new family and design a new house