We're all aware that dating in 2022 is like a minefield, right? One of the hardest parts (IMHO) is that in the beginning, despite how well things might be going, you never quite know the person well enough to completely let your guard down.
Sam, a 25-year-old health administration marketer and foster mom from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, had dealt with her fair share of dating mistreatment by the time she started chatting with a man named "Jake" on Bumble. Prior to getting in contact with Jake, Sam had gotten involved with a different man she'd also met on Bumble, who ultimately broke things off with her because of her weight.
With the encouragement of her friends, Sam decided to give it another try, and matched with Jake on the app. Things went well right away, and he invited Sam out to dinner, which she accepted. Then, about an hour after confirming their plans, Jake "accidentally" sent Sam a text message that wasn't meant for her, which she promptly shared on TikTok for all to see:
How it started:
How it ended:
Sam told BuzzFeed, "When I read the message, I was completely stunned. I remember I had seen a TikTok months ago about a guy doing something similar and genuinely thought it was fake and that there was no way men our age actually do this. I had to reread it a couple of times to process it."
Sam didn't respond to Jake or meet him for dinner after that (would you?!?!?), which led to him sending even more disgusting and hateful messages that proved she DEFINITELY made the right call on this one:
The story could've very well ended there, but the plot thickened when Sam started to put the pieces together with the help of multiple women in the comments section. "It felt like I had a huge army of women, who were complete strangers to me, defending me, supporting me, and helping me investigate."
"As I got more texts from 'Jake' and comments/DMs from women trying to help me, I started to piece together some things. There was a guy I had matched with a couple of days prior named Cody. He insisted we had talked before, though there was no evidence that we had. When I showed I wasn't interested, he quickly became irate and jumped to calling me 'fat' and attacking me," Sam explained.
She continued, "I started to compare the mannerisms, the way they both jumped to attacking me, the similarities in grammatical errors, and it seemed likely that it was the same person, but I wasn't sure."
"I mentioned the possibility of it in one of my update videos and had THOUSANDS of people commenting and pointing out more similarities. Then, I had tons of girls messaging me on Instagram and Twitter saying that this Cody guy had done similar things to them. After I felt I had collected enough information to make an educated guess, I confronted Cody (who is a real person) about 'Jake' (who is the account he allegedly created) and his response was very telling of his guilt. He claimed to have no idea who I was, to never have used Bumble, and just completely contradicted himself."
After this bizarre interaction, Sam received even more DMs from women claiming he'd done the same to them, plus worse. After a few angry calls and texts from Cody about her TikTok series, Sam (luckily) didn't hear from him again.
Now, I'm going to chime in real quick and say that there's no way to TRULY confirm if Cody was indeed faking the Jake profile and catfishing Sam so he could send that nasty message and harass her. But, assuming he didn't, we're still dealing with someone who thinks it's appropriate to openly body-shame women behind their backs (or to their faces, if he sent the message on purpose). And if he DID, in fact, do what Sam and the other women suspect, we're dealing with a man who insists on going out of his way to harm any woman who rejects his advances. Conclusion? Dating as a straight woman can be fucking terrifying.
When asked what she thinks her experiences says about dating and the treatment of women in general, Sam responded, "I think dating expectations are at an all-time low. Women are objectified and talked to/about as if we are pieces of meat. Hardly anyone looks any deeper than the appearance and what superficial things the other person can offer them. Of course, physical attraction and appearance preferences are important, but that seems to be all that's taken into consideration now. ... Ultimately, if you are truly searching for a life partner, their heart should be far more important than their physical attributes."
And for anyone else out there who might find themselves in a similar situation, or who's just out there dating and trying their best, Sam had this advice: "Find the middle ground of guarding your heart but still being open to new experiences. It's a super-thin line and can be hard to find alone. I think everyone should see a therapist, even if they feel like they don't need one. Learn about yourself, why you do the things you do, why you feel the way you feel, why you are attracted to the behavior you're attracted to, and why you allow yourself to accept treatment that is unacceptable."
