Hello and welcome to another deep dive into a juicy and fascinating post on the Am I the Asshole subreddit; a place where the OP (original poster) asks us, the public, to weigh in on if they are indeed being an asshole in their current situation. Let's get into it.
Today's edition has to deal with money, rent, and relationships. The OP — who is 24 years old — explained in the thread that she's been dating her boyfriend "Jake" — who is 23 years old — since they were freshmen in college. In their final year of undergrad, they shared an apartment together. "We split everything 50/50, including utilities, groceries, and rent. We continued living together in the same town as our college after graduation."
But, recently, their living situation has changed: "We both got jobs in Chicago, and we are currently living downtown. My dad works in real estate, and he has multiple investment properties. My dad generously allowed me to live in one of his properties rent-free, but he said that my boyfriend would have to pay him $400 a month for rent."
"My dad is very protective, but he has been nothing but kind to my boyfriend. My dad's reasoning for making my boyfriend pay rent is that he wants to be sure that my boyfriend is with me for me, and not because he will have a free place to live."
Apparently, Jake's not too happy about this. "My boyfriend is mad at me because he asked me for my half of the $400 for rent, and I explained to him that I will not be paying rent. My dad is only charging him. He says that we have been splitting rent for the past two years, so why would we stop now?"
OP also pointed out that the $400 Jake's paying is less than what he was paying in their last place. "Our rent in our college town was $1,200, so we were both paying $600 a month. Our apartment in Chicago is significantly nicer, and he is paying $200 less a month than what he was in college."
In the end, she asks: "Is the idea that my DAD doesn’t charge me for rent, but charges my boyfriend so crazy? Should I suck it up and pay half because I can afford it?"
Naturally, people came in hot with their opinions in the comments. Many pointed out that Jake's already getting quite the discount when it comes to rent:
"Rent isn’t $400; it’s $2,100. Point out that if he wants to split rent then do so by having your dad charge the full amount, which means his portion is $1,050. Pay your dad that, and dad can give it back to you or put it in escrow to save for a future house. The $400 is a major discount for him, and dad lets you have it for free."
"Jake is paying less than 20% of the rent. Your dad is covering over 80% and losing out on $1,700 on your (and Jake's) behalf. $400 is a crazy good deal and really just a token rent. If Jake still thinks the situation is unfair, it is proving your dad's reasoning. If you covered half of Jake's rent, then his total contribution would be less than 10%. So, is that fair?"
"Tell him to go on Craigslist and see what $400 will get him in Chicago. He wouldn’t get a monthly parking spot for $400. He is getting the Chicago version of a free apartment."
Other's commended OP's dad for his reasoning behind charging Jake the $400 in rent:
"I think dad was on the money with his thought process of wanting to make sure bf is with her for her and not a free place to live."
"As a mom of three young adults, you’ve totally nailed it. OP’s dad has taken a good approach here. That rent's more than fair, yet rather than being gracious, the boyfriend is being petulant. That says a lot."
"I think your dad just showed a lot of who Jake is."
However, one person tried to see things from Jake's perspective:
"What is your BF supposed to say here? Is he supposed to be thrilled that your father is treating him like a potential enemy rather than another person who loves his daughter and wants to care for her? I don't think this is really about the money for him, so much as it's insulting to be told the reason he has to pay when you don't is because he's untrustworthy with your heart."
And another felt that even though OP doesn't have to split rent, she should want to for the sake of her partner:
"If this happened to me and my boyfriend, I would offer to split the rent 50/50. And not because my boyfriend would ask (or expect) it of me, but because I myself would want to. I feel that at a certain point in your relationship, you just want to support each other. If choosing this apartment was a mutual decision, I would honestly say the rent should be split 50/50. No matter what dad wishes (he doesn't even need to know). This changes it from 'her apartment where he's allowed to stay if he pays,' to 'their apartment.' It's a whole different dynamic."
What do you think?! Is OP right to refuse to pay rent on a property that her father owns and is letting her stay in for free, or should she pay her fair share to keep things equal between her and Jake? Sound off in the comments!
