If you're not aware of the concept of a "nice guy" when it comes to dating, let's just say you're very lucky. Urban Dictionary defines a “nice guy” as a man who "thinks he's entitled to date or have sexual relationships simply because he sees himself as a 'good person.'" And more often than not, these same men will constantly harass the person they're interested in to "just give him a chance."
But what happens when they actually get that chance? Reddit user u/targetgoldengoose asked people to share just that, particularly, "Has anyone ever given a 'nice guy' a chance after they've thrown a tantrum ... ? And if you did, how did it work out?" Spoiler alert: None of them have a happy ending. Read for yourself:
Warning: This post mentions stalking, rape, harassment, and sexual assault.
1. "I finally allowed him to take me on a date to breakfast. I figured midday would be ideal to meet up in public. I offended him immediately when I spoke to the waitress. I said, 'We have two' when she asked how many were in our party. He insisted that she was asking him, not me, and I emasculated him in public. I laughed it off as a joke. I grew up with all brothers. Surely he was trying to be funny.
"We sat down. The waitress asked for our order. I gave her mine. He groaned and asked her to come back in a second. He told me proper protocol was for me to discuss what I wanted to eat with him, allow him to make the decision, and then he'd relay that to the waitress. I told him he was crazy and left, blocked his number, and ghosted completely."
2. "A girlfriend told me that when she was still new to dating, she gave a 'nice guy' a shot. They were in different states, and after weeks of 'owing him' a sexy picture or video, she agreed to FaceTime him with a wink-wink agreement that things might get steamy. The day came, and this man called her 'nice, but bigger than he liked' and suggested she start working out. He then pushed for an in-person visit near him so that he could show her the wonders of 'carnal things.' She ghosted him shortly after that."
3. "My sister did. She is a hairstylist, and one of her clients was very aggressive about asking her out. He repeatedly bought flowers, concert tickets, and other gifts, which he brought to her at work. She said no each time because he seemed a little off. He got in a car accident and was really badly injured, and she felt sorry for him, so she finally went out with him. They dated for a few months before breaking up; I don't know the exact reason why. But after that, he started stalking her."
"It's been over five years since then, and he's still keeping tabs on her. She has reported him to the police multiple times, has a restraining order, and has blocked him on Facebook/everywhere else, but every few months he finds a way to contact her."
4. "Tantrums continued throughout the relationship. He was very controlling. If I was out with friends, he would be upset that I was having fun without him. He ended up cheating on me and dumping me, only to beg for me back. He semi-stalked me for a couple of years. He had an online blog about what I did each day, and tried to befriend my exes."
5. "Once, I dated a sweet guy. But honestly, 'sweet' is subjective. He was a gentleman, but he INSISTED on ALWAYS opening the car door for me (he literally would not let me touch the car handle, like, at all) and letting me eat first ALWAYS (instead of both at the same time), and he commented that I should never cut my hair, etc. I felt like I was with a man from the '50s. It was draining to be treated 'like a queen' instead of an equal."
6. "Way too many times in college, I had guys in the 'friend zone' who I decided to give a chance because I was stupid and I felt sorry for them. The last straw was when a guy took me shopping. I said yes in lonely desperation on a Friday night, and we went Saturday afternoon. After every store I went into, he would either criticize me for not wanting him to buy me anything, or ask me for sex because he bought me a used video game I wanted. Never again."
7. "After I finally gave him a chance, I told him we should just be friends. He sent me over 26 texts a day telling me that I was a worthless bitch, deserved to get raped, and needed to 'loosen my holes' and that he hoped I died, and everything else you could imagine, for months. I was scared to block at first because he knew my address, but I finally blocked him."
8. "We dated for a few months. From the beginning, though, he was just embarrassing. We had mutual friends, and he would spend full outings, parties, and weekend trips voicing his disbelief that I was dating him. Telling people how lucky he was in a self-deprecating way that was gross, that he'd 'won the lotto' and I was 'out of his league.' No matter how many times I asked him to quit, he did it every single time we were in public. It got so bad that his best friend actually snapped and told him in the middle of a self-deprecating rant how embarrassing it was, and to look at how uncomfortable he was making me."
"That started a huge argument: 'But she's a queen; I'm just treating her like one!' When I had the audacity to agree with his friend, full-cry meltdown in front of everyone. I broke up with him that weekend. The breakup lasted for hours, with me begging him to get out of my house while he cried and cried and cried about how he treated me so well, how could I do this to him. Then it turned to rage. I had to block him on everything when I started dating someone months later, and a lot of friends blocked him as well when they found out he was stalking me. If you're dating someone and they act like you're doing them a favor, don't date that person."
9. "I met him on Tinder. He seemed like a really nice guy. On our first date, he took me to eat wings and everything went well. Then shit got weird. On our second date, he drove us to the place and did this weird thing where he got out the car and then LOCKED ME inside while he came around to open the door. I understood he probably wanted to be chivalrous, but that was a bit strange. He could’ve just said, 'I’ll get the door.' Then he started texting me nonstop asking when we would hang out."
"If I didn’t answer him on time, he would blow up my phone. The final nail in the coffin was when I went to his house and we were in his bed, I told him I didn’t want to do anything, and then we started making out. I still told him I didn’t want to go any further than that, and he still tried to have sex with me. I guess he felt like he deserved it because we went out on a couple of dates."
10. "Once we were dating, he stopped any form of compliments or encouragement, and I found myself desperately trying to seek his approval (my own issues; can't blame him for me having those). But he seemed to take pleasure in withholding affection from me and using insults, putdowns, and backhanded compliments to keep me in a cycle of walking on eggshells."
11. "I dated a nice guy for seven months after he cried and begged. He was a 'friend' and he made me laugh, so I figured why not? It was the longest seven months of my life. He didn't let me have friends. He didn't want me to get a job (he said I'd 'fuck the customers'), and he cried all the time (especially when he suspected that I loved my sisters more than I loved him). He ended up cheating on me by writing love songs/poems to girls online. Even when I confronted him, he insisted we just go on a break."
12. "It was like dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He treated me like royalty when he was pleased with my behavior, then either snapped into a rage or retreated into wounded silence at the slightest perceived wrongdoing. He expected me to be both chaste and super sexual, whichever he preferred at the time. If I failed to anticipate his will, I was shamed and berated."
13. "In college, I was best friends with a guy who lived on my floor the first year. He was into me, but I didn’t really feel the same way. Then he basically bullied me into dating him by throwing a tantrum, saying I was a 'bad person' not to give him a chance. He ended up being the most controlling and manipulative boyfriend I’ve ever had. I managed to get out of it but wasted a year and a half of my best years on him."
14. And finally, "This 'nice' guy I dated from Tinder was so annoying that I finally gave him a chance, and we ended up dating for a year. He was really sensitive and sweet, unlike others I’ve met from Tinder. But here's what happened: He would cry every single day that I 'didn’t love' him, and threw a fit crying when I didn’t approve of an Instagram post he made about us. He would tell me repeatedly that I wasn’t as attractive as my roommates, his friends, girls he went to college with, MY OWN RELATIVES, etc., and he tried to have a threesome with my roommate that I didn’t even ask for, and didn’t want to be involved in."
Do you have any "I gave a 'nice guy' a chance" stories to share? Tell us in the comments.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE, which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.