30 Hilarious Tweets By Women That Will Have Every Male Comedian Quaking In His Little Boots
"Omw to do the most humiliating thing a girl can do (apply for jobs)." —@peelipatloon
Spring has sprung, and you know what that means: seasonal allergies abound!!!
seasonal depression is OUT seasonal allergies are IN
— Katie 🍑 (@ukulele_katie) April 17, 2024
Luckily, we can still giggle through the sniffles thanks to these 30 hilarious tweets from women this week. Make sure to follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter (or X??? Who even knows anymore).
1.
Funny but not funny how many people i know with divorced parents who had a phase in our teen years where we went “i wanna try living with my dad” and then proceeded to have the worst month of our lives
— zou bisou bisou where are you (@lilgrapefruits) April 8, 2024
2.
the guy singing “don’t stop me now” at karaoke just sang “200 degrees that’s why they call me mr family guy” and i can feel it burrowing into my grey matter like a parasite
— jude (@judecomputer) April 16, 2024
3.
Omw to do the most humiliating thing a girl can do (apply for jobs)
— pina colaba 🇵🇸 (@peelipatloon) April 17, 2024
4.
Bro I have to use a controlled substance just to fold my laundry. https://t.co/n9SN6veTCZ
— Space Grace, temporal anomaly 🕰️🌌 (@dreamsofskies) April 14, 2024
5.
My company's solution to low morale has been to place a "good vibes only" sign in the break room. I love corporate America. The silliest geese in the pond.
— McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) April 11, 2024
6.
I was at a craft fair yesterday and I overheard a man say to his wife in a tone that conveyed no less than 6 emotions, Please no more potholders.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) April 14, 2024
7.
Feeling emotional, almost to the point of tears, about this photo in a Northern California gas station pic.twitter.com/rlecQ200PI
— eliza (@elizamclamb) April 16, 2024
8.
My favorite part of the Twilight movies is when Bella’s body undergoes all the vampire yaasifications and among them is a subtle yet defined shimmering smokey eyes look… how did the vampire magic learn this eyeshadow tutorial… the blending work is masterful pic.twitter.com/OR4gzyybXS
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) April 17, 2024
9.
Me to myself in the mirror in the morning: you can do hard things
— nice things I say to myself (@meantomyself) April 16, 2024
Me to myself when I encounter the smallest inconvenience: well fuck
10.
“let’s go girls,” she threatened
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) April 17, 2024
11.
girls on insta going “4 whole years with this goof 😍❤️🔥🥰😘” pic.twitter.com/1gTwPqBNFE
— Amy A (@lolennui) April 15, 2024
12.
Security question ass tweet https://t.co/vBWbqllcvK
— Ashley Reese (@offbeatorbit) April 17, 2024
13.
these are the texts I send for work pic.twitter.com/glDk0BwZCJ
— sara hinkley (@boneysoups) April 17, 2024
14.
When will it be Princess Diana cycling shorts, big sweatshirt, sports socks and trainers weather
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) April 16, 2024
15.
people will be like “ew putting your suitcase on your bed is the most disgusting thing you could do” and it’s like no. not me. i’m capable of much more disgusting things
— emz! (@blahblahemily) April 16, 2024
16.
was going to take dating seriously this year and was like “I’m going to go on a minimum one date a month” but instead I might simply consolidate them all and go on all 12 dates on one day in November or something
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) April 16, 2024
17.
Adulthood is just resetting passwords until you die.
— My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) April 12, 2024
18.
crazy how the very first sin was a woman who ate
— charles entertainment cheese (@jmurffff) April 12, 2024
19.
Not to get too political, but it would be nice if things would stop getting worse in literally every way.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 14, 2024
20.
[homeschooling]
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 15, 2024
me: what is 345 minus 127?
daughter: 218
me: *filling out tax form* thanks
21.
i have the opposite of fomo like leave me out of all of your plans please.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) April 15, 2024
22.
I’ve shenanned before… and I’ll shenanigan
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) April 16, 2024
23.
My birthstone is a chunk of sharp cheddar cheese
— Jenny Doesnt Know (@HighlyIngenious) April 15, 2024
25.
i am a hater first and a beautiful beautiful woman second
— vxz 🌸 (@vxsjmz) April 16, 2024
26.
It’s easy to overlook a man’s baggage when your frontal lobe is still at medium rare https://t.co/CJZcW0trnu
— mere strömb (@merestromb) April 16, 2024
27.
booked us a resy at the Rainforest Cafe. wear something slutty
— olive🍸 (@celsiusexual) April 17, 2024
28.
Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine
— ivy (@__Poisonivyyy) April 17, 2024
29.
Mya looking straight at the camera like our Jim Halpert of comedic timing #PumpRules #VanderpumpRules pic.twitter.com/XgBhTZ37r9
— T (@teewatterss) April 17, 2024
30.
women: a good reason to not take your partner’s last name when you get married is that maybe you and i went to school together and i’d like to have a little look at what you’re up to now
— jar jar minx 🍉 (@jasecordova) April 16, 2024