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15 Things To Do Instead Of Reading About The Brangelina Breakup

You're going to be so damn productive.

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1. Walk your dog, pet your cat, feed your fish, or go adopt something cute for Christ's sake.

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2. Watch Seven because it's delightfully creepy, Brad Pitt looks hot AF, and you can annoy your friends by saying, "What's in the boxxx?" nonstop.

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3. Read a book, you illiterate SOB. (That's a lyric from Big Pimpin,' so if you're mad at anyone about it, be mad at Jay Z.)

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4. Make Saint Angelina proud by volunteering your time somewhere. (No, volunteering to plan happy hour doesn't count.)

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5. Clean your messy house, ya slob! Or organize something you've been avoiding harder than Angelina avoided the truth. (Too soon?)

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6. Plan your Halloween couple's costume with your BFF and argue over who gets to be Angelina and who has to be Shiloh.

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7. Watch Girl, Interrupted because it's a great movie, and because it was filmed back when Angelina still thought it was cool to wear a vial of blood around her neck. (I miss emo Angelina.)

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8. Write some spoken-word poetry about the Brangelina breakup and perform it at your local coffee shop's open-mic night. (Bonus points for tears.)

9. Run up a mountain and scream, "Oh, God, WHY?" at the sky.

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10. Get the girls together and watch A River Runs Through It for no other reason than Brad looks smokin' hot.

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11. Travel the world like Brangelina before the breakup, or just make a map wall because those are cool and way less expensive.

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12. Get super drunk and text your ex to say that the Brangelina breakup has really got you thinking about what matters in life and you'd like to give it another try. (Just kidding. Please don't do that.)

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13. Watch the Friends Thanksgiving episode with Brad and Jen and try not to cry 'bout it.

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14. Eat a large pizza by yourself while you post 'true love doesn't exist' quotes on Facebook.

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15. Go on with your life like nothing happened.

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Now go read another Brangelina breakup article. I know you were going to anyway.

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