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27 People Who Really Have This Drinking Alcohol Thing Figured Out

"A cleanse for me is switching to white wine."

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1.

Wine doesn't have many vitamins. That's why you have to drink a lot of it.

2.

I heard about something called a "sangria margarita" and my first thought was, I don't know if I deserve that much joy.

3.

Getting drunk is like having a 3rd base coach that waves you on no matter what

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4.

If by free spirits you mean an open bar, then yes I love free spirits.

5.

oh, my blush? it's called "i've had five glasses of wine"

6.

Nobody works harder than a drunk person trying to carefully whisper a secret.

7.

Red Bull and Vodka. Because you want to be wide awake for this mistake.

8.

How to enjoy wine; 1. Open the bottle and let it breathe. 2. If it doesn't seem to be breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

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9.

Those tiny liquor bottles were invented for airplanes and chaperoning field trips.

10.

I will take your secret to the grave. Unless I'm drunk and revealing it will make me popular.

11.

I don't need fun to have alcohol.

13.

A cleanse for me is switching to white wine.

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14.

My favorite of all the gardens is definitely the beer.

15.

no one is better friends than two drunk girls in a bathroom

16.

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it's just one slice of pizza.

17.

*checks phone from last night* how could my best friend, cabernet sauvignon, betray me like this

18.

me: *doesn’t drink soda because it’s unhealthy* me: *drinks alcohol*

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19.

the first whiskey from the whiskey of the month club i signed up for is here and im ready to be drunk til june

21.

Alcohol won't mend a broken heart. But that doesn't mean I won't try it again tonight.

22.

I only drink on days that end with "I hate people"

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25.

The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.

26.

the most romantic words a man has ever spoken to me: "excuse me, miss? what kind of alcohol would you like for dinner?"

27.

If you mix alcohol with a juice they cancel each other out, so you're basically not even drinking.

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