Take The Rosh Hashanah Food Personality Test!

What Does Your Favorite Rosh Hashanah Food Says About You?

Edsel Little / Via Flickr: edsel_

It’s a tradition on Rosh Hashanah, to eat a variety of random foods as symbols for the upcoming Jewish New Year.

Each food has a different meaning, weakly attributed to its name in Aramaic or Hebrew. At any given time there is at least one food that you will find completely revolting (fish head anyone?) and a couple others that you kind of like anyway.

But what you didn’t know is that each food you like actually tells you everything you need to know about your own personality and what type of neurosis awaits you in the coming year.

What’s your hang-up? Take the poll to find out!

Beans

Pixabay

Beans are called Rubia in Aramaic, which sounds like the word for multiplicity, i.e. you want “your merits to multiply”.

Interpretation

You’re a people-pleasing perfectionist. No amount of good you do will ever satisfy you in your eyes or in your perceived eyes of others. Stop focusing so much on the score and the process. Life is a game. Don’t play to win.

Gourd

Pixabay

If a gourd is your favorite food, there in itself lies the biggest problem in your life. But gourd’s name in Aramaic is Kara, which means tear, as in “Evil decrees declared against you should be torn up”. (Why this would end up affecting only evil decrees and not the good stuff just because you want it to is beyond me)

Interpretation

You’re paranoid. Someone’s got an evil decree out against you? Really? You’re that important? No, you’re not. Bad luck is bad luck, it happens to everyone. And if you’d stop playing the victim and manifesting your own downfall into your life because you’re used to it, maybe things would pick up for once. You’d be able to drop that nasty gourd eating habit of yours - an added bonus.

Leek

Pixabay

Another appetizing classic. I can think of many things that I wouldn’t want to Leek in this coming year, from my roof to my bladder, but apparently it goes by the Aramaic meaning only. So in Aramaic a leek is Karti, which means “your enemies should get chopped off/mowed down”. Nice.

Interpretation

You vengeful sonofabitch. All you can think about for the new year is what should happen to your enemies? You could wish for wealth, love, or three more wishes, and you’re like “I hope they die. And come back to life. And die again”. Really? Does stealing your parking spot really justify this? You’ve got anger issues. Let go. Breath. You’re hurting yourself more than you’re hurting them.

Fish

Via Pixabay

Jews love fish. On bagels. On crackers. On Rosh Hashanah. Why? So that we can be “fruitful and multiply like fish”. It’s not about the name in this case, it’s about what they do. Too bad rabbits aren’t kosher…

Interpretation

You sex crazed person you. Just call a spade a spade… or whatever you’re using. I don’t want to know. But it’s a normal and healthy part of life. No need to hide behind “populating the world” and such. And no need to subject future children to existence just because you couldn’t get your guilt together. Just man/woman up and use protection.

Fish (Animal) heads

Via pixabay

Do you like decapitated animal heads? Good, because eating these on Rosh Hashanah means you want to “be a head and not a tail”.

Interpretation

You’re as competitive as they come. Eating animal heads just because they are heads? Ugh. I bet you eat them raw. I can just see the blood running down your hands, and that haunting bloody grin as you glance up with a look that says “one less being to crush on my way towards global world domination”. Dude, abundance. There’s enough for everyone out there.

You’re freaking us out. *backing slowly away*

Go get some professional advice. On Reddit or something.

Dates

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Dates are nice.

I bet a lot of you would have picked date from this list. Well, guess what – the word for date in Hebrew is Tamar, as in “may my enemies be finished (off)”.

Interpretation

You and leek lover should get married. Have some nice Jewish babies together. At least you’re not as forceful about it – he needs his enemies diced, you just want them ended. So on the spectrum of 1 to 10, he’s an 11 and you’re an 8.

Good job. Keep being the voice of balance and reason in the world.

Beets

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A timeless classic in the shtetls of Poland, the word for beet is Selek and it means you “want your enemies to be banished”

Interpretation

Your sense of victimhood is so strong you are incapable of banishing your inner and outer demons completely. At least Leek and Date have the strength of character to seek total annihilation of their imaginary enemies. You prefer to banish them deeper in your subconscious - where they can continue to wreak havoc on your relationships and health. Your recurring migraines? Yup.

Apples & Honey

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You were waiting for this one, right? That’s why I put it at the end. We dip apples in honey in the hopes that we’ll have a “sweet new year” . For some reason, even though it tastes great, Nestle hasn’t packaged it as a yearlong snack yet.

Interpretation

Overindulging, binging, and otherwise comfort seeking at all costs – what do you expect from someone who takes a sweet apple and looks around for what they can dip it in? Ever heard of too much of a good thing? Everything in moderation. There’s probably another Jewish holiday devoted just to that idea, but I can’t think of what it is right now. Anyway, check out Weight Watchers or some other support group. It’ll do you good.

Pomegranates

Pixabay

Waddaya know. Pomegranates have lots of seeds (some say exactly 613, which seems unlikely) so those are eaten to invoke “having lots of merits, like a pomegranate”.

Interpretation

See bean boy. The only thing I can add is at least you have better taste in food. That’s about the only merit I can find in you.

Shanah Tova.

Did I miss a traditional food you like? Do you have a neurosis I havnen't mentioned? Let me know in the comments below! Or don't! I don't care!

Forward this article to 613 of your closest friends by sunset or a terrible mystical Jewish curse will make this year so full of suffering you'll be complaining like your 92 year old grandmother. You've been warned.