If Rescuing The World From A Trump-Induced Apocalypse Doesn't Give You Good Reason To Buy A Motorbike Off Of Kijiji Then I Don't Know What Is.

What do you do when no one is paying attention to the motorcycle you have been trying to sell on Kijiji (Canada's alternative to Craigslist) for months? You get creative with your ad, that's what. Inspired by the recent US Election results, Stuart Young from Calgary, Alberta, came up with a great way to get a little attention on his Kijiji ad and to make a prediction for the lucky individual who decides to purchase it.

This Guy is Trying a Different Kind of Tactic to Sell His Motorbike on Kijiji:

So often, posting ads on Craigslist (or Kijiji, its Canadian counterpart) can be a total bust. If you don't want to pay to keep your ad at the top of the page, you have to carve time out of every day to repost the ad to bump it to the top to get noticed. Obviously this guy from Calgary, Alberta was looking for a different tactic to get some attention on an ad for his motorcycle. So far, the response has been mostly positive, save for one potential buyer who messaged him to say, "I was thinking of coming to look at the bike but after reading this description I decided not to as I feel your [sic] kinda weird amd [sic] maybe kinda creepy. Thanks anyways [.]"

Here's the ad, we'll let you decide for yourself how creepy the seller is for yourself.

Ok guys this is it, you need to buy this bike because the world is about to end. Trump's been elected and the ol' "Tangerine Tornado" has his slippery paws on the nuclear codes. Get this bike while you still can because pretty soon the roads are gonna be turned to dust. You got bills? Mortgage and car payments? Don't worry all of that is going to evaporate once the bombs come down so you won't have to pay for it anyway. This '98 Dyna is like a cockroach and will be the only thing left standing when it's all said and done. When all hell breaks loose you can crawl under the engine and use the bike as a make shift shelter. After the dust settles and you realize that you are the only one who survived, you jump on this trusty stallion and start looking for any signs of life. You feel safe knowing that this reliable 80' inch Evo motor can take you anywhere you need to go, and that the odometer hasn't even passed 28,000 kms yet. You drive 1000 miles south and come across an abandoned salt mine. A pack of wild boars have been chasing you since Great Falls and you're thirsting for fresh water. Every pond you've come across so far has been littered with nuclear ash and dead Canada geese. You stop at the mouth of the mine and the roar from the straight pipe exhaust settles. A beautiful woman is standing in front of you, equally shocked to see another human being. She's a Victoria Secret model and was shooting an "edgy" photo scene for the 2017 catalogue when the bombs started falling. She was the only one of her crew to survive and she's been licking the walls of the mine for the last week to stay alive. You both know what's at stake here. You're the only ones left alive and it's up to you to keep the human race going. At first she doesn't want to procreate with you because you're ugly as hell but she keeps going back to the bike you rode in on and she realizes that a man that rides a bike like that is a man that can rebuild the world. You fall madly in love and start secretly thanking that Cheetos Jesus Man-Baby for pulling the trigger and creating this situation for you.

Soon after the children come. In 9 months you have twins, one girl and one boy and you are in awe of their innocence and beauty. You are even more inspired to re-build this broken world, if only for their sake. Two years pass by and you've tamed the land and built a self-sufficient farm that feeds you and your family well. But something keeps nagging you. If you don't find more survivors your grandchildren are gonna come out with one eye and seven pinky fingers. You wonder how Adam and Eve populated the world with just two of them. You start to question the authenticity of that story. You make the tough decision to leave the safety of your farm and look for more survivors. Your wife jumps on the back and you strap the twins to the custom sissy bar that came with the bike. It starts up first try and runs perfectly. "I can't believe this bike only cost 7 grand" you say to yourself as you start down the road and begin the journey with no real destination.

It's the dead of winter but the bike runs great. You pass from state to state looking for any signs of life. A month passes and nothing. One day you find a lone buffalo wandering in a field. You've come to the last of the squirrels and birds you brought for food and you're family is hungry. You slaughter the buffalo and have enough food to last you though the remainder of the winter. You slow cook the meat on the engine and use extra heat to keep the family warm at night. You make matching leather chaps for the entire family out of the hide and thank the buffalo spirit for the incredible sacrifice he made for your family.

As spring starts to arrive you keep moving south. You arrive in what you think used to be Florida. For the first time in 3 years the sun starts to shine as the nuclear clouds begin to dissipate. A new drive and energy is ignited in you. You take some time to stop at a Wal-Mart off the interstate. For some reason this one looks different than the others and is relatively undamaged. As you shut your bike off and start unstrapping the twins you hear a shot gun blast. A slug whizzes by your ear and your dazed for a moment. You check your family and no one is hit. Unfortunately the bike wasn't so lucky and it took the slug right in the tank. This tank is built out of good old 'merican steel so you know it'll be fine. You instinctively reach into your front pocket and grab the .44 magnum you keep stuffed there. You fire a shot into the front doors of the Wal-Mart and instantly hear the scream of what sounds like an elderly lady. Moments later a large man comes out waving a white flag and screaming that there are women and children inside. He takes one look at you and your bike and he knows he's no match. Suddenly he falls to his knees and bows down. You don't know what to make of it. He starts speaking in a language you never heard before and starts chanting "it's the chosen one". He caresses your bike and starts crying uncontrollably. He seems to be speechless but one words escapes his lips "come" and he beckons you towards the entrance. As you walk in your eyes have to adjust to the dim light and suddenly you can make out a distance shape. A dusty beam of sunlight shines through a hole in the ceiling creating a makeshift spotlight focused on a shape that's very familiar to you. As you look closer you realize that you are staring at your own bike, only this bike is made of cans of spam and loose vacuum parts. Although there's a "Dirt Devil" logo where the Harley badge should go, there's no doubt that this is replica of the very bike that has carried on this long journey. "What the hell" you think to yourself. "How can this be?". Just then a child slinks from the darkness and meekly tugs on the tassels of your bad ass buffalo leather chaps. With a faint voice he says "Is that the bike from the Kijiji ad?" as he hands you a paper print out that you remember from years ago. You give him a bewildered look. "How did you get this? you ask him. "My dad replied to the ad but he had to back down at the last minute, my mom said no". A older man with no pants speaks up "I also replied to the ad, but I couldn't get financing". "I contacted the guy but I was just tire kicking" said a lady in the back. "I tried to get the seller to accept pay-pal, the world's fastest and most secure way of payment" said a man with a thick accent. The stories roll in as people continue to come forward sharing their close encounters with the mystical bike. Men and women spoke of the disappointment they felt when their $2000 offer was rejected, or their trade for their 1983 Ford Pinto with 600,000 kms was not quite what the seller was looking for.

As they recounted their stories they all began to weep with regret, now fully realizing the opportunity they had missed. They knew the prophesies were true. This was a one and million bike and the final owner was to be the man who saved the world. After a long time had passed, they started to collect themselves. One man spoke up and said "I would do anything to go for a rip on that wild hog". As he stepped out of the shadows you recognize the familiar face of Hollywood actor and former drug dealer Tim Allen, star of the blockbuster hit of the same name. You hardly had a moment to be starstruck before John Travolta and Martin Lawrence eagerly stepped forward. "Once a wild hog" they begin….. "always a wild hog" finished the instantly recognizable voice of William H. Macy. "We will rebuild" the crowd begins to chant. "All Hail the 1998 Harley FXD Super Glide King" they cry. It is at that moment that you know that every moment of your life has been leading up to this point. You are their savour. You are the new king of the free world. You will lead these people to rebuild the human race. You will be remembered forever. A man, turned into a king, a legend, all because you chose to click "contact poster" in the ad on Kijii. The world will rise again.