Two years ago, I decided to live-tweet myself reading E.L.
James' Grey, which is the original Fifty Shades of Grey book but written from the perspective of Christian Grey. There were many excerpts like this:
The book also had the most insane chapter opening:
The sequel to that book, Darker, is out today. And yeah, if you've read it before it feels quite familiar.
But then I stumbled across a particularly ridiculous passage. It's this bit in the book where Christian Grey and Ana decide to have sex halfway through making a stir-fry.
When I tweeted it, a lot of people picked up on this.
Many people then talked openly about how, in the midst of the passion and sexual energy in the room, food hygiene was of the highest priority.
Then on Twitter a debate was sparked on whether Christian and Ana washed their hands at any point.
At the same time there was a debate about gas hobs.
Also, there was this.
Then, in a dramatic twist, we found out Christian Grey has never cut up a vegetable before.
And he is totally shit at cutting up peppers.
Later on, when all the sex had all come to a fun end, there was this chat about iPads and "the Coldplay".
It led to this very good question on Twitter.
As for the rest of the book, there's a bit more plot in this one, but there's also a lot of this...
"My cock twitches in approval."
"She groans and tilts her pelvis, compressing my hardening denim-clad cock."
"I don't want fucking tea. I want to bury myself in you."
And then there's this very intense paragraph about having sex with ice cream as a sexual aid.
IN CONCLUSION: This book has not turned me on, but at least it tackles the important issue of food hygiene.