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    I Watched "Love Island" With My Parents And Here's What Happened

    I watched Love Island with my parents. My Mum: "Is there a guy employed to play a piano in the background to add to the atmosphere while they are speaking, like in silent movies?"

    Hello. I decided to watch Love Island with my parents, recently retired air traffic controllers Glenn and Carol.

    Courtesy of my parents

    They were both air traffic controllers. They've been married for more than 40 years. My mum loves her garden. My dad makes a great spaghetti bolognese.

    I once asked them for BuzzFeed post ideas and quite honestly they did my job better than I could do.

    So I decided to get them to watch one of Britain's biggest shows, Love Island. I just recorded their conversation as we watched two episodes.

    ITV / Love Island / Via itv.com

    Me: Do you both want a drink?

    Mum: [looking at Dad] You will in 10 minutes.

    The opening titles play. Megan appears on screen.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: She looks like a very nice girl.

    Dad: I don't really know any of their names.

    Mum: The only one I really know is the doctor.

    Dad: Has he found anyone by the way?

    Mum: No. Not surprised. He was very needy, wasn't he? Everyone is nice, really.

    Dad: Have they brought anyone in who was real evil?

    Me: Yes.

    Mum: They're all nice.

    It is announced that Jack and Dani are going to go on a hot air balloon together for their final date on the show.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: It's expensive.

    Dad: You have to spend a significant amount on gas.

    After their balloon ride, Jack and Dani have a romantic picnic. The soundtrack is exceedingly romantic.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: Is there a guy employed to play a piano in the background to add to the atmosphere while they are speaking, like in silent movies?

    Me: I think they do that in post-production.

    Mum: Do they? [starts laughing] I can see a guy sitting there watching them while going "do do doooo" with a piano.

    Me: But how would they know what to say when they are speaking?

    Mum: [defensively] Because they are trained to do this!

    Dad: That's what they did with the silent films when you had a car chase.

    Alex announces to the group that he has got a text and that he is going on a car-themed date with Alexandra.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: Do you think they all get so excited because they are so bored they just want something to do?

    Dad: How many more weeks has this show to go, Scott?

    Me: It finishes on Monday.

    Dad: Was it filmed last summer then?

    Me: No, it was filmed this summer.

    Dad: Oh!

    Me: I don't think they would wait an entire year to show you the episodes.

    Mum: No, but I think they would if it happened a month or so ago.

    Me: I think they did it a few days ago.

    Dad: As quick as that?

    Alex is very, very excited to ride in a fast car for his date. More so than about actually going on a date with Alexandra.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: Your dad and I have never had this thing over cars. We want A to B. A decent car to get from A to B.

    Dad: That starts.

    Mum: We've had lumps of cars that haven't started. So you want a car that starts that goes from A to B. I'm not really interested.

    Dad: You wanted something that kept you out of the rain, didn't we?

    Mum: Your dad was one of the first boys that I ever went out with that had a car that started. Even if it was a Renault 4, which wasn't that impressive, to be honest. But it's better than waiting on a bus.

    Dad: Yep.

    Mum: So on a score of 1 to 10, that was like a 9. You didn't have to wait on a bus!

    Meanwhile, there's a lot of chat back at the villa as to whether Alex really does fancy Alexandra or not.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Dad: It's the blood moon tonight, says here.

    Me: It's telling you where? On your Apple Watch?!

    Mum: It's the lunar eclipse, which we also saw in Australia!

    Dad: I will wait for the adverts and then I will get you another glass of wine.

    Alexandra expresses to her friends that she just wants Alex to open up and show her some more affection.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: She's not going to get it.

    Dad: Maybe if she dresses up like a car she might.

    [They both laugh]

    Dad: Next time I'll take you out in the Ferrari, darling. [Note: My dad owns a Toyota.]

    Mum: I wouldn't be impressed.

    Dad: You'd be going, "You're too fast, you're too fast!"

    Mum: I'd be saying, "Look how much petrol this is burning."

    Dad: "Watch that person there!"

    Mum: "You've seen that pothole?"

    Dad: Oh god, aye. The potholes would knacker it. Down our way. Jesus.

    All of the couples start going to bed. After Alex dumps Alexandra, he decides to sleep on the sofa.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: That looks bloody uncomfortable. All those pillows.

    Me: It's quite a lot of pillows, isn't it?

    Mum: I do find the concept of all of them sleeping together a bit weird.

    Dad: All in one room.

    Mum: And then, it was very different in our day, dear, wasn't it?

    Me: In what way? You slept in different beds?

    Mum: You wouldn't have this, no... on television.

    Dad: If this was on in the ’70s, they all wouldn't have been sleeping in one room but there would be a lot more nudity in it.

    Me: There would have been more nudity in the ’70s?

    Mum and Dad: Oh yeah!

    Mum: We've noticed. There's a real progression back the way.

    Dad: It's much pruder now on television.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: When you go abroad, people used to be nude bathing and everyone was topless. And now everybody is dressed again.

    Dad: When we went abroad in the ’80s, everybody was topless.

    Mum: Or nude. Everyone used to take all their clothes off and that was it.

    Dad: Now, when we went to Spain last year...

    Mum: Nobody was even topless. It's really strange, and I've talked to girls at work about this. And they would say, "Topless? Oh, that's disgusting."

    Mum: [pointing at screen] See, they're dressed very provocatively but nobody has been nude. To go about naked isn't as sexy as going about half-dressed. It's true.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Dad: See, if you watch any TV plays from the ’70s, on mainstream TV...

    Mum: They're all half-naked.

    Dad: But there was a lot more nudity and semi-nudity. But the difference being, not as much as you would get in Game of Thrones. But American TV up until HBO was always very prude-y.

    Mum: Very violent. You could get terrible violence. You could watch somebody getting their head completely decapitated.

    Dad: But...nobody was nude.

    Mum: It was weird.

    Yes, they have stopped concentrating on Love Island.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: But it is true. When was the last time you saw a play or something, except for something like Game of Thrones, on the BBC? When was the last time you saw naked people?

    [I snort with laughter]

    Mum: When?

    Me: I don't know.

    Dad: There aren't any. Things have changed. But it's much more liberal with people living together and things.

    Mum: People being in the same bed.

    Dad: Then, it went on, but it was more hidden.

    Mum: My mother and father never knew we lived together before we got married. Never knew. They knew, but nobody ever said. They never mentioned it. And that is hard for somebody to concede that.

    Dad: But every time you turned the television on...

    Mum: There was nudity!

    Me: Every time. Click [gestures a remote control] TITS.

    Dad: Scott, not during the news.

    My parents start to watch Love Island again, as Kaz and Josh find out that they are going on a final date.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: All I'm looking at is her swimsuit, going "That can't be comfy." What is it when you get older, comfy becomes all. It will be elastic-waisted trousers next. Nice comfy shoes.

    [My brother-in-law has entered the room.]

    Me: How much Love Island have you watched?

    Brother-in-law: Zero.

    Dad: Do you want to sit down?

    Brother-in-law: No.

    [My brother-in-law leaves the room.]

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: These guys are ripped with six-packs.

    Dad: If you filmed this in the ’70s or ’80s, the guys are an awful lot better-looking now than they would have been then. The blokes look after themselves.

    Mum: They don't bear much relation to what you see on a normal beach, really.

    Me: But back then you wouldn't find any guys like these?

    Dad: No.

    Mum: People didn't work out in the ’70s. Guys did not work out. It was not a thing. Now you get health shops and whey powder and stuff like that, all that body-building things. No.

    Dad: What time do you want to get your train home, Scott?

    Kaz talks about her upcoming date with Josh.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: This is a new development of the underboob. I read this in the newspaper.

    Me: The underboob.

    Mum: The underboob look. It's very important under your boobs, to be showcasing under your boobs.

    Me: Under your boobs.

    Mum: I read this in the Sunday Times, you know. I think it was the Times or Sunday Times. The underboob is a thing, seemingly.

    An announcement comes on for a competition where you can win a Love Island–style holiday, just before an ad break.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Me: Would you like to have a day of the Love Island lifestyle?

    Mum: Yeah. One day.

    Me: Really?

    Mum: No, one day. Not how many weeks this has gone on. They must be bored to tears. Just doing this Love Island thing. Lying around the pool. I would get bored to tears. I find that after three days around the pool, I've had it.

    Dad: Uh-huh.

    Mum: I want to go on a bus and explore the countryside.

    Kaz and Josh go on their fourth date. As they do, two performers nearby do some acrobatics with a hoop.

    Love Island / ITV2

    Mum: You never took me on a date, Glenn, that involved two people sitting on a hoop.

    Dad: You were lucky to get half a pint of beer at the Links.

    Mum: But you had a car, so you were worth a lot.

    [My sister and brother-in-law come into the room again and we talk about the living room fan until the second episode of Love Island ends.]

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