BTW: This post contains spoilers for the WHOLE film.
1. I like how the soundtrack to A Christmas Prince is a Christmas song you have never heard before in your life and will never hear again.
2. It's like they couldn't afford any other song and hoped nobody would notice.
3. Ron's article idea is actually inspired. 100% would read.
4. Amber, I'm pretty sure that there are many ways of getting into journalism that don't involve being an editor first. Usually you become a writer, then an editor.
5. Amber is being called into executive editor Max's office, and I've had to rewatch them discussing the royal family of Aldovia three times because it is way too complicated for a film that requires no concentration.
6. I love how Prince Richard is referred to as "His Royal Hotness".
7. I also love that when Amber first arrives in this office there is a framed magazine cover featuring "POP SINGER".
8. It's obviously a cover this magazine is very proud of. What an exclusive interview.
9. What the fuck is this order, Amber?
10. This advice from Amber's father ("stay true to your dreams and success will follow") is the kind of schmaltz we'd usually hear five minutes before the end of a film.
11. We are five minutes into the film.
12. And now she's on this weird press trip. Why are all the other journalists British?
13. Are there any British journalists left in Britain during this fake cancelled press conference?
14. And when the press conference is cancelled, why does Amber take photos of armour instead? What benefit is this to any article she might write?
15. Also, Amber, why are you taking all of these photos in portrait mode?
16. That's the real royal scandal here.
17. But then again the magazine did have "POP SINGER" as a cover line, so perhaps it has a low bar for what can make the front page.
18. Amber is now pretending to be a royal tutor to get closer to Prince Richard and land her big magazine scoop. And has to take lots of photos.
19. I am going to say this line to anyone who ever visits my flat from now on, friend or otherwise.
20. I feel I know every single thing that will happen in this film already.
21. Really subtle recording, Amber.
22. I still do not understand this abdication storyline.
23. Or why everyone in the Aldovian royal family has a British accent.
24. I also love that Richard's ex, Sophia, hates Amber because she is wearing red trainers or something.
25. They are making a big deal about this massive acorn ornament, which is about to be put on the tree.
26. This acorn better be used as a plot device or there will be hell to pay.
27. Honestly, who writes notes like this?
28. Emily is now exposing Amber as a journalist by going through her laptop. Maybe Amber would not have been exposed if she hadn't saved this secret piece of investigative journalism as "Article Notes Richard Charlton".
29. Why are you continuing to shoot in portrait mode?
30. LANDSCAPE, AMBER. LANDSCAPE.
31. OK, these are the best notes Amber has written.
32. "Have to find out!!!"
33. OK, why is Amber following Prince Richard on a horse?
34. Horses don't have GPS, Amber.
35. Same.
36. This is also, hands down, the best interruption of a kiss I have ever seen in any movie in my life.
37. She is now ringing her father for advice, and her father is telling her to follow her gut. My parents just tell me about the weather and how much traffic the local roads experience at this time of year when I ring them.
38. Meanwhile, Sophia is finding out her real identity.
39. If Amber doesn't want her real identity to be worked out, perhaps she shouldn't leave her passport with her real name in her handbag on her bed for Sophia to find in basically 10 seconds.
40. Oh and all the documents about Richard actually being adopted.
41. Just a tip.
42. This dialogue is A+. Cannot be improved.
43. I still do not understand this abdication storyline or why the prime minister is conducting the ceremony OR why they have to do it on Christmas Eve OR WHY, before getting the crown, Prince Richard has to make a vow like you do at a wedding.
44. Oh, Amber is on her phone again. Her father had better not have some sort of schmaltzy line that will make me roll my–
45. Oh for god's sake.
46. Oh, the acorn appears to contain a document that will solve the pressing abdication crisis and give Prince Richard the right to the throne even though he is adopted!
47. Wait, she was inspired to check the acorn because her father was talking about seeds? SEEDS?
48. Can the king really make laws without consulting anyone? And why shove this law into an acorn?
49. Surely nobody will believe this weird acorn law. Shouldn't they be doing some tests on that document to make sure it is actually real? Rather than just going by a random old document with a stamp on it.
50. Oh.
51. Oh, the magazine is axing Amber's piece because the editor doesn't want a puff piece – just the gritty original story Amber didn't want published.
52. Wait, she was right in the middle of a massive constitutional issue with His Royal Hotness, and saw a massive story unfold in front of her eyes. This wasn't a scoop?
53. This is the magazine, let me remind you, that is soon to be publishing Ron's article about "Ugly Christmas Sweaters of the Stars".
54. Can't wait to read your blog, though.
55. Who organises a triple date on New Years' Eve? Or two dates with a plus-one in case Amber joins?
56. Oh, Prince (King) Richard is here. I am admiring the fact that he's pointing out that he read her blog online, instead of anywhere else.
57. Wait. He's proposing?
58. Wait, they're ENGAGED?!
59. Even though they don't really know each other.
60. Even though she was pretending to be someone else to expose his private life.
61. UNTIL LITERALLY TWO DAYS AGO.
62. Fuck it. IT IS CHRISTMAS. YOU MIGHT AS WELL.
And now I have finished watching this film. Thanks for reading for this article. I'm going to have a drink.
