India recently became the fourth country to ban keeping dolphins in captivity.
Due to dolphins' high intelligence, the country is qualifying them as "non-human persons."
Which is fair, because dolphins are pretty much just majestic, slippery people with blowholes.
Let's start with the part where these bottlenosed heroes HAVE LANGUAGE.
They even have signature whistles for one another — so yeah, dolphins have names. Like Steve. But in whistle form.
These industrious sea geniuses can live in societies of up to 1,000 dolphins.
And OH YEAH THEY USE TOOLS. THEY DON'T HAVE HANDS AND THEY USE TOOLS.
Dolphin pickup artists? Totally a thing.
These slick mammalian bastards have sex for fun, not just procreation.
And when it is time for baby-makin', other dolphins help out with the birth.
These aquatic sophisticates also have a great sense of taste, so yes, they CAN tell if the herring's a little ripe.
Dolphins are patriotic as hell. The U.S. Navy trains dolphins to detect underwater mines.
There was a rumor that the Navy trained dolphins to kill enemy swimmers during Vietnam, but it was never proven.
Some dolphins even have HAIR.
It's probably just a matter of time until they prove they're actually way smarter than us and peace out from this planet.
Godspeed, you beautiful sea critters.