Circus Train Wreck Not a Laughing Matter
ALTOONA, PA—Following the fiery derailment of a 56-car Ringling Bros. circus train Wednesday, hundreds of clowns, somersaulting acrobats, ringmasters on stilts, stampeding giraffes, and monkeys in colorful hats were seen fleeing the accident, which investigators stressed was a very serious matter and in no way funny. According to officials, at least 13 circus performers have died, with dozens more suffering severe burns as a fire spread through the mile-long train, eventually igniting a fuse that launched a human cannonball 200 feet above the devastating and not-at-all amusing scene. "Train wrecks are never a laughing matter, and this one is no exception," police chief Jeffrey Phelps said as several rainbow-striped balls, hula hoops, and half a dozen zebras tumbled from an upended train car behind him. "I personally witnessed three clowns in full makeup yelping and trying to outrun the blaze as they paused to hitch up their bulky oversized trousers and tripped over their big floppy shoes—it was horribly tragic."
Anonymous Strikes Against Texas Law Enforcement
Having a slow day behind the desk, filing papers, staring at your colleague's fine posterior? What have you been up to since our last visit? Don't answer that. We already know. Lewd jokes? Check. Racist chain mails? Check. You lost your radio license? Lulz. Playing on the fears of voters? Check. But we already figured that. Our friends, allies, and vessels are threatened with 10+ years in prison. Yet terrorists like Luis Posada Carilles go free. This hypocritical and paranoid reaction puts us and the citizens you are supposed to protect in the same boat. You call us a national security risk. Yet BATFE guns go directly to drug dealers so they can take out rivals who don't launder money through backrooms of dominant banks. Any press can check court documents from operations like 'Fast and Furious'. Who came up with that one? What you didn't see 'From Dusk 'til Dawn'? Better title. Be more creative next time. In retaliation for the arrests of dozens of alleged Anonymous suspects, we opened fire on dozens of Texas police departments and stole boatloads of classified police documents and police chief emails across the state. During the San Jose courtdate we defaced and gave out live backdoor and admin access to the website TexasPoliceChiefs.org while allied ships launched ddos attacks upon Justice.gov and other law enforcement websites. For every defendant in the anonymous "conspiracy" we are attacking two top Texas police chiefs, leaking 3GB of their private emails and attachments. Mind you, we don't expect a sane response. Even a few insults would have been better than the way you cowards hide behind protocol, innuendo, and your badge.
UN Peackeepers Traded Food for Sex With Minors
ABIDJAN, Ivory Coast (AP) — United Nations peacekeepers in Ivory Coast enticed underage girls in a poor part of the West African nation to exchange sex for food, according to a United States Embassy cable released by WikiLeaks. The cable written in January 2010 focuses on the behavior of Beninese peacekeepers stationed in the western town of Toulepleu, an area that has been at the crosshairs of the nation's 10-year-long conflict. A random poll of 10 underage girls in Toulepleu by aid group Save The Children U.K. in 2009 found that eight performed sexual acts for Benin peacekeepers on a regular basis in order to secure their most basic needs. "Eight of the 10 said they had ongoing sexual relationships with Beninese soldiers in exchange for food or lodging," the diplomat wrote in the cable, citing information shared with the embassy by a protection officer. On Tuesday, United Nations spokesman Michel Bonnardeaux confirmed that in April, 16 Beninese peacekeepers were repatriated to Benin and are barred from serving in the U.N. following a yearlong investigation. "We see it as a command and control problem," said Bonnardeaux who spoke by telephone from New York. Of the 16, 10 were commanders and the rest were soldiers. The commanders, he said, "failed to maintain an environment that prevents sexual exploitation and abuse." Sexual misconduct by U.N. troops has been reported in a number of countries including Congo, Cambodia and Haiti — as well as in an earlier incident involving Moroccan peacekeepers in Ivory Coast.
Florida Bans Popular Prison Fad in Schools. No Baggy Pants
A Florida lawmaker is welcoming students back to school by handing out 200 leather belts to help them comply with a new state law that bans saggy pants on campuses. Democratic State Senator Gary Siplin of Orlando pushed for six years for the so-called Pull Your Pants Up law, and finally got his wish last spring. The state legislature voted overwhelmingly to enact the ban at the start of the 2011-12 school year, making Florida and Arkansas the only two states with such a widespread prohibition against saggy pants for students. "We want our kids to believe they're going to college, and part of that is an attitude, and part of that is being dressed professionally," Siplin told Reuters. The statewide school dress code bucks a fashion trend with roots in prison attire and the rap and hip-hop music community. Siplin, who admits to sporting an Afro and platform shoes in his youth, grew tired of seeing young men wearing their pants so low their underwear was exposed.
Boy Shot by Crossbow for Throwing Rocks!
SAN DIEGO – San Diego police say a 16-year-old boy throwing rocks at a sport utility vehicle was struck by a crossbow bolt fired by a passenger. Police say the shirtless boy and a friend were throwing rocks at a black Toyota RAV4 in the Linda Vista neighborhood Monday afternoon when a passenger fired a crossbow out the window. The boy was shot in the right side and was taken to a hospital. The San Diego Union-Tribune says his injuries are not life-threatening. His name wasn't released. Nobody has been arrested.
The Replacement for the Iphone is Here - Finally!
Widely touted as the true iPhone-killer, Samsung’s new Galaxy S II is finally coming to the U.S. -- with the bite to back up its bark. The Samsung Galaxy S II -- the company's fastest selling smartphone ever -- is already a bona fide international success, having sold lavishly in foreign markets. In 24 days, the company sold 1 million units; that's enough to reach past the top of Mt. Everest if stacked on end. The 2 million units sold in 42 days would fill two and a half soccer fields. Fianlly, finally, it's coming to America
Sugar is in Again!
Remember the early days of culinary-profiling when sugar was Public Enemy Number One and mom quaffed diet soda until the world went sour on saccharine? The next victim was fat. We feasted on fat-free everything and gorged on pasta. Then carbohydrates were demonized. Atkins slimmed us on red meat, bacon and high-fat diets, but we craved carbs and felt like we puffed-up like blowfish the second we ate them. Processed foods were the next root-of-all-evil. High-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) quickly joined them in the crosshairs, creating the latest, easy-way-out, feel-good, target-rich environment for those looking for the (next) root cause of obesity. HFCS is in everything! Get rid of it, say opponents, and replace it...with sugar. Aaah, the cycle of life.