1. The Bass-o-Matic
You'll never have to scale, cut, or gut again!
2. Dissing Your Dog
Remember, there's one thing stronger than a dog's sense of smell: his sense of irony.
3. Mom Jeans
Because you're not a woman anymore...you're a mom!
4. Hedly and Wyche British Toothpaste
You don't have to brush your teeth every week, but you just might want to!
5. Schmitt's Gay Beer
If you've got a big thirst and you're gay, reach for a cold bottle of Schmitt's Gay!
6. Oops! I Crapped My Pants
Visit your local pharmacy and just say, "Oops! I Crapped My Pants!"
7. Shake Weight Commercial DVD
It's fun to watch, and, in it's own weird way, it's a great workout!
8. Jiffy Express
They'll take the package... and the blame!
9. Nerf Crotch Bat
For high-swingin', crotch-battin' action, it's Nerf Crotch Bat or it's nothin'!
10. Bug Off
None of this will actually kill the roach, but it will give it something to think about.
11. Go-Techs Flex
Order right now...or later, if you're busy right now!
12. The Closet Organizer
A clean closet is just a phone call away!
13. Martha Stewart for Match.com
Match.com, now with more Martha Stewart!
14. Brownie Husband
"It's the perfect blend of rich fudge and emotional intimacy.
15. Jon Hamm's John Ham
The ham you can eat in the bathroom!
16. The Mom Translator
Look for it wherever mom products are sold!
17. Swiffer Sleepers
The crawl-around, roll-around dust picker-upper!
The antihistamine that's pink and bubbly, just like Taylor Swift!
19. Baby Spanx
I would never spank a baby, but I sure as hell would Spanx one!
20. Taco Town
Pizza? Now that's what I call a taco!
If you can't fake it, make it... with Flaritin.
22. Tres Equis
It's one equis better!
23. The Autumn's Eve Pumpkin Spice Douche
Because nothing says 'clean' like warm, gooey pumpkin.
24. Old Glory Robot Insurance
For when the metal ones decide to come for you...and they will.
Ask your husband if you may need Valtrex, because he might know more than your doctor.
26. Little Chocolate Donuts
The donuts of champions.
You can't buy stronger medicine...in this country.
28. Gas Right
They spread your butt cheeks apart!
29. Clint Eastwood Chrysler Commercial
Halftime's over, America!
30. Bad Idea Jeans
Normally I wear protection, but then I thought, 'When am I gonna make it back to Haiti?'
Ya know it's good 'cause it's blue, bitch!
If you notice symptoms such as rashes, fever, droopy lip, jazz hands, Robert De Niro face, or Incredible Hulk strength, call the police right away.
33. Rosetta Stone
With Rosetta Stone Thai, you can learn great conversation phrases like: "How much?" "Is that for the whole night?" "Oh my god, what have I done?" And "ping pong ball."
Once a year. Period.
35. Wade Blasingame
Call Wade Blasingame. He's man's best friend!
36. Corn Syrup
Check our website, ThereAreWorseThingsThanCornSyrup.com, and no other websites!
37. Winston-McCauley Funeral Home
Care. Compassion. Dedication. And absolutely no sex with dead bodies. That's the Winston-McCauley promise.
38. Colon Blow Cereal
Colon blow and you in the morning!
39. The Love Toilet
Why not share the most intimate moment of them all?
40. Justin Bieber's Calvin Klein Commercials
"Are my muscles cute?"