"The Bachelor" Week 3 Recap: The Battle Of The Pageant Queens

"She's beauty and she's grace" ...and she's ready to fight for that rose until the inevitable 2-on-1 date. (This is for the Editorial Fellowship)

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It might only be week three of The Bachelor, but the feuds, tears, and emotional limo exits have already begun. While we're still anxiously waiting to watch Colton jump over that fence and escape into the wilderness, this week’s episode still gave us all the drama we could take in a two hour show. To briefly recap, we have Demi spanking Colton and making more “cougar” comments, Elyse getting some surprise guests on her 1-on-1 date, a fitness battle that forced the women to pull a limo, and (oh no!) a cancelled cocktail party that Chris Harrison thankfully turns into a pool party instead. The biggest drama of the episode centered on the feud between our pageant queens – Miss Alabama and Miss North Carolina. It only took them three weeks to start trash talking one another and confess their hatred to Colton, who seems more confused than ever about how to handle drama between women (while he’s ironically dating thirty of them). I ask the same question every season, but will these girls ever learn that talking about the other contestants never does them any good in the end?

Anyways, let’s break down the episode and predict the frontrunners and the future Paradise stars.

The First Group Date

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Courtney, Demi, Katie, Heather, Kirpa, Tracy, Hannah B. and Caelynn are the lucky ones chosen for this Medieval Times styled date featuring Colton in a pirate outfit on a ship swinging around a sword. As he performs an awkward skit, the girls fake laugh and smile from afar. As per usual with these group dates, the girls have to do some corny activities before they get a chance to actually spend time with the guy they might get engaged to in a few weeks. Caelynn and Colton are shown flirting during the date – and the camera panning to Hannah B. could not have been more on point as she’s shown boiling over with anger. And to make matters worse, Caelynn is chosen as the one to “save” Colton in a live pirate performance. Oh, Hannah B. How will she go on?

The real drama pours out during the night portion of the date. Demi – our clear “villain” – has yet another disagreement with Tracy. I’m not sure how these two always start fighting but it, of course, circled back to their age difference as Demi tells Tracy that she can’t imagine how it must feel being around such “younger women.” Demi goes on to place Tracy in the “Cougar Club," causing all 30-year-olds at home to scream with frustration. I mean, if Demi thinks being thirty is old, does she consider 40-year-olds the elderly?

Back to the pageant drama, Hannah B. decides it's time to use her limited time with Colton not to learn more about each other, but instead, describe the “hostile” friendship she once had with Caelynn. Her delivery is problematic to say the least, as she does not clearly say what Caelynn did that was so awful to her. Instead, she tells Colton that she questions how he can be with her if he actually likes Caelynn too. This definitely doesn’t rub Colton the right way and he almost immediately gets up, gives her a cringeworthy hug, and goes to find Caelynn.

Now I hate using the word “savage,” but Colton’s next move was just that. He talks to Caelynn about what Hannah B. said and Caelynn gets very emotional, telling him that she has been through some hard things in her life that she is not ready to open up about yet. Now, what that is we don’t know. And could she be playing up the victim card here? Maybe. But even so, she doesn’t start talking badly about Hannah B. and instead, genuinely seems like she wants to focus on her connection with Colton. Then, Colton ruthlessly walks back into the room to pick up the group date rose and gives it to Caelynn…with Hannah B. watching with rage! I mean, the battle between the beauty queens might not be over yet, but that is for sure a point for Caelynn.

The 1-on-1 Date

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I was so happy to see Elyse get the 1-on-1 date card. I think she could be a dark horse this season and (I hate myself for saying this) I think she's really there for the right reasons. Oh no, what is this show doing to me? It was also a relief to see her on my television screen because (surprise) she's not blonde! Nothing against blondes, but I think there's a record number of them this season. She's also part of Demi's "Cougar Club" since she's 31. Anyways, Colton brings her to an amusement park where he says the date is actually not a 1-on-1 but instead, they’ll be joined by a bunch of children. Yay! Perfect for a first date! The date is actually very sweet and Colton gives off major hot dad vibes, while Elyse proves to be just as sweet as she seems.

Coming into the dinner portion of the date, the conversation gets much more serious as Elyse opens up about her life and family. She tells Colton that her sister was diagnosed with cancer while she was pregnant and chose to forgo treatment in order to have her baby. Her sister passed away after having the baby, who Else now adores. Colton is clearly moved by her story and strength, and gives her the rose. I got choked up hearing this story too and am definitely rooting for Elyse – if not for Colton, then maybe for The Bachelorette.

The Second Group Date

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Next up is the “Bachelor’s Strongest Woman” competition date, which includes Sydney, Tayshia, Nina, Onyeka, Catherine, Nicole, Cassie, and Caitlin. I have some mixed feelings about this one. Part of me thought, wow I would hate this date. The guy I’m trying to date has to watch me work out, sweat, and do a bunch of physical labor that I don’t really want to do? Yeah, no thanks. But I also like that the show is at least trying to focus on the strength of women, rather than the competitiveness between them. Ironically, this is being done through a fitness contest; however, I do think it shows that they're trying to keep up with the times. It's definitely a little forced and another competition might not be the best way to do it, but hey, A for effort right?

There’s not too much to say about the date except that Catherine, our night one villain who looks exactly like Jennifer Coolidge, is super strong and seems to totally shock Colton with her boxing moves. Also, does anyone actually believe that little Caitlin was able to move that limo? Someone had to be driving it right? And, last but not least, TERRY CREWS WAS THERE! How awesome is that? I’m not sure how the show is getting such big stars this season but I’m here for it.

The cocktail portion of the date was pretty tame, except for poor Canadian Caitlin. The lack of chemistry between her and Colton was blatantly obvious once she got some airtime. Colton seemed to desperately try and make conversation and Caitlin could not think of much to say about herself. I got a little sad when Caitlin seemed apologetic for having no "sad story" to tell Colton, as she said she's had a "really good life" and loves to go out with her friends and simply have fun. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that! But she was sent home right then and there, and tears were shed on her limo ride home. Let's hope she gets a shot to redeem herself in paradise. To end the night, Nicole was given the group date rose.

The Pool Party

This might be one of my favorite parts of every Bachelor season: Chris Harrison walks into the room of girls and says, “there will be no cocktail party tonight.” The girls all gasp and cry in shock. But then, that sly devil announces “but there will be a pool party!” and the girls erupt with squeals and rush to get ready. I mean, do none of them watch the show before they go on?

Anyways, the entire pool party revolves around our pageant queens yet again. Hannah G. does share a sweet moment with Colton since she didn’t get a date this week, and nonetheless, their chemistry still seems to be ahead of everyone else. She is definitely a frontrunner.

Caelynn and Colton talk again about the pageant drama and finally, we think maybe we’ll get a better insight into what happened. But of course, we don’t. Caelynn blames their feud on her getting more success since she won first runner up in the Miss USA pageant and Hannah B. did not place. She says that this caused Hannah B. to “spiral” and lead to “manipulation," leading to the fallout of their friendship. Now, I definitely think jealously could've caused Hannah B. to turn on Caelynn. But I’m not sure it was the smartest move by Caelynn to tell Colton all of this. Once you start talking about the other girls and playing the victim a little too much, the drama usually seems to follow you.

Colton then goes back to Hannah B. with this information, where she basically yells at him to "just trust her." I mean, come on Hannah B. You went on one date with the guy and you think he should just trust you no matter what? We then see Colton leave the pool party to talk to the producers about how torn he is over the situation. I’m sure they gave him some really good advice (Or just told him he has to keep them both until the 2-on-1 date).

The Rose Ceremony

I was a little mad over the eliminations this week, as Bri, Catherine, and Nina were all sent home. Australian Bri did not get the airtime she deserved. I mean, did he ever find out she wasn’t actually Australian? Let's hope she goes to paradise and brings the Australian accent with her. Catherine, our original villain, seemed to just disappear after the first night and now gets to reunite with her dog. And Nina leaves after getting barely any airtime, but seemed like a catch. The rest of the girls were all given roses – including Miss Alabama who was given the last rose as suspenseful music played in the background. This, of course, had to be done so the battle of the pageant queens could continue. Let’s just hope the 2-on-1 date comes early this season so we can finally discover what really happened between these two and move on.