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1. Wonderful talking buttons that should've been on your desk, like, yesterday.
2. A lapel pin to cut — nay, chop — people and obligations out of your life.
3. A 50-page coloring book for tapping out of reality and letting your mind wander in fucking peace.
4. A sassy canvas makeup (or everything) pouch that speaks your truth in glittery fashion.
5. Killer sunglasses to solidify your status as a totally nonchalant badass.
6. Cheeky socks that casually reveal your actually-pretty-obvious secret.
7. A non-traditional name plate to slam down on your desk so people know not to mess with you.
8. And while we're redecorating your desk, a literal f-bomb paperweight that's sure to stir up the whole office.
9. Delightful plush skeleton slippers to accompany your dead-inside soul.
10. A semi-sheer cami dress that takes the words right out of your mouth.
11. A enlightening refresher, lest you walk further down the path of actually giving fucks.
12. A mini emergency hangover kit for when you didn't give any fucks...but your body clearly did.
13. A black tee with a not-so-innocent kitty nestled inside its pocket.
14. A contemplative handbag that takes a lovely walk down memory lane.
15. A useful book on what not to say...to ignore and then say everything that's listed because life's short.
16. A phone case that illustrates your emotions towards everyone step by step.
17. An interpretative dance anyone who's over it can actually deeply relate to.
18. A dainty wire ring with a less-than-dainty word.
19. A notebook that sounds eerily similar to the excuses you frequently toss around to avoid being social.
20. Adding on to the black cat theme, an eye mask to let everyone know that you are 💤 shutting down 💤 for the day.
21. A bold bomber jacket emblazoned with your most commonly-used phrase.
22. A birthday card that is in no way a truthful reflection of how you really feel (sans autocorrect).
23. And the perfect candles to pair with your very genuine card.
24. Ok, and some very on-theme balloons to top it all off.
25. An iconic wall tapestry of that word your mom probably scolds you for saying too often.
26. More black tees that understand you as a person who would much rather sleep than interact with human beings.
27. A relatable pouch for anyone who believes Wednesday Addams is their real-life soulmate.
28. A mini pink backpack ready for vacation — just like you every fucking day.
29. And a candle that has an entire inventory of birds to flip your way.
