Zoë Burnett / BuzzFeed We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales from the links on this page. 1. Wonderful talking buttons that should've been on your desk, like, yesterday. amazon.com, amazon.com Very necessary for maintaining a sense of sanity (or just to have something to smash).Get the "Fuck it" button from Amazon for $10.99 and the "Bullshit" button from Amazon for $9.95. 2. A lapel pin to cut — nay, chop — people and obligations out of your life. etsy.com Time is ticking. Chop, chop...literally.Get it from Ink Stand Studio on Etsy for $8. 3. A 50-page coloring book for tapping out of reality and letting your mind wander in fucking peace. amazon.com Down time can be chill but not chill at the same time. That's called balance.Get it from Amazon for $10.93. 4. A sassy canvas makeup (or everything) pouch that speaks your truth in glittery fashion. us.asos.com 💁 is not "information desk girl" — it's the physical embodiment of this phrase.Get it from Asos for $18.50. 5. Killer sunglasses to solidify your status as a totally nonchalant badass. amazon.com, amazon.com Who cares? It's just an eye after all.Get them from Amazon for $9.99. 6. Cheeky socks that casually reveal your actually-pretty-obvious secret. amazon.com Every time I seem cheerful or optimistic, it's an act. Surprise!Get a pair from Amazon for $9.22. 7. A non-traditional name plate to slam down on your desk so people know not to mess with you. amazon.com 👏 👏 👏Get it from Amazon for $11.99. 8. And while we're redecorating your desk, a literal f-bomb paperweight that's sure to stir up the whole office. click.linksynergy.com Liven up pay raise negotiations.Get it from Fred Conlon on Uncommon Goods for $45. 9. Delightful plush skeleton slippers to accompany your dead-inside soul. amazon.com Say hi to "Left Brain" and "Right Brain." Get them from Amazon for $10.99. 10. A semi-sheer cami dress that takes the words right out of your mouth. us.asos.com This model looks like she actually cares. Please wear this dress with pride and only show the opposite emotions.Get it from Asos for $88. / Sizes S-L. 11. A enlightening refresher, lest you walk further down the path of actually giving fucks. amazon.com MAKE A U-TURN RIGHT NOW.Get it from Amazon for $11.55 (hardcover) or $11.99 (Kindle). 12. A mini emergency hangover kit for when you didn't give any fucks...but your body clearly did. click.linksynergy.com *prepares a mimosa while taking aspirin for last night*Get it from Sephora for $14. 13. A black tee with a not-so-innocent kitty nestled inside its pocket. etsy.com How I feel about strangers who feel the need to comment on my life.Get it from Crafty Little Bug on Etsy for $20+. / Sizes S-4XL. 14. A contemplative handbag that takes a lovely walk down memory lane. shop.nylon.com Remember when?? *laughs hysterically*Get it from Nylon for $44. 15. A useful book on what not to say...to ignore and then say everything that's listed because life's short. amazon.com "I like to pray before every meal...to Satan" is the best way to start any conversation at a dinner party or just randomly on the street.Get it from Amazon for $11.35. 16. A phone case that illustrates your emotions towards everyone step by step. nylonshop / Via instagram.com Wow, just rolled my eyes so far back I reached a new dimension and found the cure for cancer.Get it from Nylon for $38 (available in iPhone 7 and iPhone 6/6S versions).You can also purchase the design as a notebook! 17. An interpretative dance anyone who's over it can actually deeply relate to. society6.com *starts twirling around to cut off useless conversation*Get the print from Ruby Etc. on Society 6 for $20+. 18. A dainty wire ring with a less-than-dainty word. etsy.com But it's classy since it's written in cursive.Get it from Passion and Love on Etsy for $9+. / Sizes 4-15. / Available in seven styles. 19. A notebook that sounds eerily similar to the excuses you frequently toss around to avoid being social. nylonshop / Via instagram.com Cats also DGAF, which is why they're your real best friend.Get it from Nylon for $12. 20. Adding on to the black cat theme, an eye mask to let everyone know that you are 💤 shutting down 💤 for the day. etsy.com Seriously, don't approach me. 100 feet rule...at least.Get it from Sleep Mask Boutique on Etsy for $17.99. / Available in 15 colors. 21. A bold bomber jacket emblazoned with your most commonly-used phrase. shop.nylon.com In truly DGAF fashion, you can wear it every day. #outfitrepeaterdontcareGet it from Nylon at $65. / Sizes S-XXL. 22. A birthday card that is in no way a truthful reflection of how you really feel (sans autocorrect). urbanoutfitters.com *sees birthday party invite* Can I wear my PJs? Can it take place at my home, minus the people but with all the cake? Get it from Urban Outfitters for $5.50. 23. And the perfect candles to pair with your very genuine card. amazon.com More accurate than any number could be.Get them from Amazon for $6.92. 24. Ok, and some very on-theme balloons to top it all off. firebox.com Other people can take on the task of being cheerful.Get a pack of 12 (with three different phrases) from Firebox for $8.69. 25. An iconic wall tapestry of that word your mom probably scolds you for saying too often. society6.com Like before every sentence you utter. It's a reflex at this point, ok? Can't be helped.Get it from Nicole C. on Society 6 for $33.15+.Or make your own (simple) neon sign with this DIY kit! 26. More black tees that understand you as a person who would much rather sleep than interact with human beings. amazon.com, amazon.com Being resourceful and mindful of my emotional health, one might say.Get the first tee from Amazon for $19.99 (kids' sizes 4-12, womens' sizes XS-XL, and mens' sizes S-3XL) and the second tee from Amazon for $16.99 (kids' sizes 8-12, womens' sizes S-XL, and mens' sizes S-3XL). 27. A relatable pouch for anyone who believes Wednesday Addams is their real-life soulmate. etsy.com You can even choose between British and American spellings of the word "color." Bet you can't tell where I'm from. 🇺🇸Get it from Elsie & Nell on Etsy for $19.40. 28. A mini pink backpack ready for vacation — just like you every fucking day. us.topshop.com Just being truthful here.Get it from Topshop for $64. 29. And a candle that has an entire inventory of birds to flip your way. wikstudios.com And keep flipping you while it *very slowly* burns. Also great as a gift to show someone how much you care about them (which is barely or not at all).Get it from Wik Studios for $35. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF SM Entertainment / Via weknowmemes.com Ah, there it goes. 👋 Not nice knowing you.